Where does strength come from? Riding intervals? Pushing up weights? Winning a cycling race? No. True strength comes from how you feel about yourself and unless you're completely self-absorbed you only get a feeling for yourself by listening to those closest to you. Those who know you best, who hang out with you on a regular basis. Maybe I'm full of shit but maybe I'm on to something here. Because I know for me, I didn't feel very 'strong' when I won a title as a light heavyweight in the mixed martial arts ring. I did not honestly feel like I could take on the world after an ad campaign that I wrote and designed won an Addy Award. Such trite affirmations still adorn my memories but for the most part - they didn't provide me with much more than bragging rights for a week.
True strength - for this guy - has come only from those closest to me and that doesn't come easy. Like when my Dad sends me an e-mail that says,
"Jason, Try and take all the kinks in the works as challenges all of which have solutions. I am afraid we are always going to be saddled with dumb ass people, we just have to work around them... in the end it makes us better and our work gets better with each adventure. Kick ass son."
Or from my Mom who said of my new haircut, "Talk about a sheared goat!! Man - do you look weird!" She's all about the tough-love. She did call to wish me good luck and let me know she's already planning on coming to the premiere at the Tour of California next Spring, reminding me that the premiere of "24 Solo" was one of her more fond memories.
I don't think I could never live as I do and take chances on my career's well-being without such support and encouragement. I couldn't. Even with such support - truth is I'm terrified right now. As I sit here typing at midnight, only hours before I leave to France for a month where I'll be living in a small RV with 3 other guys in an effort to make a film about one of the biggest sporting events on the planet. Someone recently told me "there's a reason why no one makes movies about The Tour - it's hard as hell on top of being a logistical nightmare...do you have any idea what you're getting yourself into? This isn't mountain biking you know..." Thanks, Jackass. I'm doing my best to let those words fuel me.
Amidst such nay-saying, something in me saw that nightmare, that hardship, that risk and accepted it as my life for the next year. So why do such a thing? Why not get a comfy job in the ad world and make good money, buy nice clothes, win some awards and brag for a week? The answer is simple - the support and encouragement I've received from my family and friends tells me to Hell with the easy road. It will be there when I get back from that beat-up, gnarly road over yonder. "Go West Young Man" or in my case about 4,000 miles East. I'll see this thing through come Hell or high water but as determined as I sound that is merely the reflection of those closest to me and it's every bit as important for me to say thank you to those who help me take these blind steps of faith into the abyss.
So I say Thanks; To my family who knows me, all my faults yet still they love me. To my friends who deal with my hissy-fits, my ups and downs and my idiosyncrasies and still call and e-mail me. To the friends who got me back on the river this past week, kayaking to remind me what life is all about, the one who traveled from Leesburg just to have a margarita with me on my last night in town, the guy who took my no-dog-poop-signs to Big Bear to make me part of the race weekend, the girlfriend I woke up beside who will stay the course on land or at sea. To the friends who happen to be neighbors who will watch over my kid, Duck and my home boy from Pittsford with whom I will celebrate our 40th when I return, to the road-rashed manager at Contes who welcomed me home when he knew I was jet-lagged and homesick. To the neighbor turned close friend and consummate encourager (who's dog has nasty breath) and the friend who I haven't talked to in 7 months after a falling out about the bike team yet still decided to e-mail me tonight to say good luck... and possibly most importantly of all are the friends who will join me on this adventure which all started from an e-mail saying, "Screw making another mountain bike movie, if we're going to do another movie on cycling it's gonna be on the Tour de France, dammit."
I might not know what I've gotten myself into, I might have just spent my retirement money in vain. But knowing you have my back while I'm gone gives me the strength to go - and I promise you this, I will not fail. Well not unless we crash the RV, break our cameras or offend the French into arresting us. On that note I'd like to wrap this up and get to bed but let me say one last time, thank you. All of you.
Keep an eye on www.chasinglegends.com as I'll only have energy to update one blog. As always, thanks for reading.
-Jason
