JasonBerry.com

The Price of Love

2011-11-10T10:54:00.000-08:00

Image by Jim Wilson
Baltimore, MD. Memorial Day weekend, 2011. Sunny & hot. Really hot. At about 3:40pm I was laying on the ground in a mangled mess of bikes, carbon wheels, chains and from some unknown source, blood.

I've raced bikes for 12 years now. Talk to a non-cyclist about why and it's like trying to describe a color. You can find words but until you've seen that color or been through that race - the heat of the battle, the rush of adrenaline, the sheer suffering followed by the triumph of finishing and ever so rarely winning. It's either in your blood and you live for it or you are an 'also-ran' and you try it but it just doesn't stick. It's a lifestyle, sheer passion, total dedication ... in a word, love.

A few days before Memorial Day weekend I was hired by Versus to help film the Tour de France. In a month I would leave for 5 weeks in France. I would produce my own segment, daily insights behind the scenes. So for the first time in 5 years I purchased new road shoes. Obnoxiously expensive shoes. Shiny, white, carbon, fast. I knew I would be faster. Carbon makes everyone faster.

I could justify the expense of new shoes, I was in the big leagues now.

Saturday, May 28th I lined up to race the Mens 3/4 category - 2011 Kelly Cup Bike Jam in Baltimore, MD. I was fired up, excited, electric. The race was fast and with the slight exception of one loud guy behind me screaming directions, it was controlled. I jumped into a breakaway with one lap to go. We got caught and I was toast. But when I finished I still smiled because Jens would be proud ("I'd rather take the 10% chance then Zero - isn't it logic?"). My new shoes definitely made me faster, just not fast enough.

Image by Jim Wilson
35th wasn't going to help me cat up so I raced again, same day. I was determined to get out of the hazardous Cat 4's. The Mens 4 pack was smaller and thankfully a little slower. 19 laps down and with one lap to go I felt great. No breakaway to catch it would be a sprint. I can sprint. The visions were milliseconds but clear - should I put one hand in the air or both? A win would launch me out of the 4's. I knew I would win. Instead I crashed. No, it wasn't my fault, it was some out of control guy who fell into me. Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in.

My GPS read 31mph right before it read 0mph. I couldn't get my left hand off the bars, the guy who fell on top of me pinned my hand to the rough chip-seal asphalt and there it ground to a stop from 31mph. I opened my eyes and took inventory. Oh no, my hand is mangled and worse, my new shoes were ruined! And my wheels. And my pedals. And my handlebars. And my skewers. Oh, joy, the derailleur was ripped clean off the bike. A few guys lay on the pavement as well. 2 ambulances, 5 EMT's.

When they took my once-white left glove off blood spurt out like a squirt gun. I felt ill. I was hurt, bad. They called a third ambulance. Geoff Hughs drove me instead. I got to know him a little better that afternoon - and what a character he is. I am still thankful for his help that day. This was before they gave me morphine. No bitterness, no anger. This was still better than Wonderland.

The ER doctor took a few photos. "I've never seen a hole in a hand like that before."

They gave me no antibiotics, just wrapped my hand in gauze. I was treated and released with the caveat, "You need to see a hand surgeon, soon" It was Saturday, Memorial Day Weekend. "Go see a hand surgeon soon." Riiiight. I knew I was f-d. A day later the swelling set in amidst constant icing. The infection grew and so did the pain. I went to an Urgent Care facility and got a big shot in the ass. "This probably won't help much"

2 days later I got in to see my primary Dr. He immediately had me admitted to the hospital. The infection was bad, the swelling was scary. It took days to go down. It was the first week of June - I was supposed to land in Paris on the 29th of June. Despite fearing the worst I tried to make light of the situation.

Late one night the highly recommended hand surgeon came to introduce himself and take a look, "You severed the tendon on your middle finger, without surgery it will never work again. They should have done surgery right away. Now it's going to be weeks for that swelling to go down. Can't operate till the swelling is gone." I took a deep breath,
"But sir, I'm going to the Tour de France to work for Versus - I need to have surgery and be out in 3 weeks. It's the biggest opportunity of my entire career."

"No way that can happen. Sorry son. You need to re-evaluate how serious this is. If something goes wrong you could lose the use of your hand! I'm not going to do this surgery and let you leave the country a few days later. No way."

I was devastated. I was scared. The most horrible feelings swirled in my head and in my gut. I thought about it for hours and hours. I thought about it for days and days. I completely wrapped my head around every aspect of it. What had I done? Why did I take that risk? I threw away my chance to work for Versus at the Tour de France for a local cat 4 race! I lost sight of the moment, lost sight of happiness. Knaves poked fun at me from afar as only vengeful cowards will. "You got what you deserved!! KARMA BABY!!!" Ahhh, such a wise contradiction in terms.
That's when my priorities started to change - getting released from the hospital became my next goal. One day at a time.

Through it all I was asked, first by the EMT, then the ER doctor, then the urgent care Dr, then my primary Dr, then the hand surgeon, then my Mom,
"You must be angry at the guy who caused the accident?"
But each time my answer was the same.
"No, not really. That's racing. And it was a beautiful day to race."

The real answer is this:
Even in that hospital, alone and scared I was the most happy I had been in a long time. I was clear of weights I cannot with words describe. I had survived the most horrible fallout from a nuclear breakup, an entire Winter of suffering, pain and wondering how truth could be so twisted. But with true work and honest introspection, realizing I could only control myself, I came out the other side better for it. With help from true friends I realized I did not have to be caught up in an angry world of bitterness and blame ... for he who angers you defeats you. I walked away thankful my time in that twisted, backwards Wonderland was over. Unexpected solidarity found me, offered support & corroboration and I was no longer the only one who had been down the rabbit hole. I put my energy into the bike and all Winter I trained. Hard. Spring turned to summer and the weight of so much negativity was gone, regardless of "Anonymous" cowards trying to kick me while I was down. All that mattered was the moment - on the bike, in the pack around the turns and to the finish line. And then getting out of the hospital. And then surgery. And maybe if I was lucky the Tour. Either way I still had the truth of love. Love for racing. And love from those around me.

As I think back to May 28th, it was a beautiful day of racing and I was alive. I had shiny new shoes and friends in the pack and the sun was out and the fans were screaming. It was a beautiful moment which I won't soon forget, right up until I hit the deck. As much as that sucked I cannot deny how great I felt seconds before, all day before. Feeling for a moment I could win. Knowing it could be mine. I was so close. There is no denying the intensity of what happened before or after. After the crash I experienced love from my friends and family. There were people who reached out to me whom I had never talked to before. People who put aside the bullshit lies they heard about me and gave me support and encouragement. Those people are now close friends, true friends & I am damn lucky to have them in my life.

I will not be bitter and I will not hold a grudge against the people who took me down. I will continue to race in the 4's until I work my way into the 3's. I will hope to avoid crashes but know I may not. Crashes are part of racing and if you race long enough you will go down. The only question is what price will you pay? That is a risk I find worth taking. I race because I love every beautiful, exciting, expensive, painful, joyful second of it. I know to my core I would rather live passionately, loving the good and bad of what I do and who I do it with - then to hold back fearing what hurt my come from either. I would rather eat shit at 31mph having almost tasted glory then to have sat home that day wondering "what if?"

I am 42 and still learning.
This past year more than ever.
Truth.
Love.
I will gladly pay for both. Even when it really hurts.

PS - I got a second opinion. "Ok, we'll get that hand fixed a few days before you head to France. No problem. It's a risk but chances are it will be ok" They scheduled my surgery one week before I would land in Paris. Although the surgery took much longer than expected they reconnected my tendon and got a bunch of gravel out of my hand. Dr. Hattwick, my sincere thanks.

I even got a Tour-Yellow cast.

So I went to France and worked my ass off amidst my useless hand. My crew took good care of me and we got our work done.

Seems bullshit can follow you anywhere. Even to the Tour de France.

What happened there was even more epic. Another story entirely. Stay tuned...
A French Toast

To those who were there to pick up the pieces, you know who you are, Thank you.

Halloween Essence

2011-11-01T15:32:00.001-07:00

IF

2011-10-25T09:23:00.000-07:00

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too:
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same:
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss:
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much:
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

-R Kipling

The Beaujolais

2011-10-03T20:07:00.001-07:00

Spent many days in this valley not long ago. Looking forward to many more.

However next time it's on my terms. And next time we will be victorious.

Full Of Life

2011-09-21T14:35:00.001-07:00

this past weekend a group assembled at the beach to celebrate my birfday.
Happy to be with friends and family.

The ocean provided the spanking.

Happy to be alive and breathing.

More photos and words in a day or two

100 Miles is a Long Way to Fall

2011-09-08T07:24:00.001-07:00

"I gotta dial it back, the legs don't feel good."

Those words surfaced earlier on Sunday than they should have. On the hard packed dirt of Tillman Road15 miles into it. I had started steady, cleaned the climbs past the radio tower and kept it steady to the base of Linn (serious climb 2 of 6) where I knew the race truly began.

Pre-race meeting, more riders than ever before. I remember in 2000 when there were 150 of us.

The racer founder, Chris Scott starts the day early

Pre-Dawn, about to start. Not pictured but also on the team racing were Kevin, Pam, Colby, Matt and Buki.

Onto the pavement 17 miles along I was in good company with Paul Buschi - former 2nd place finisher of this sadistic 100 mile race. As we came off the back of a paceline I said again, "Sorry man, I'm going to hold it back a bit, I don't feel too hot." Paul agreed. It was too early to push too hard. Or was it? One of the highlights of my day was having Paul remind me of my sub-9 hour finish time in 2009. Paul can finish this race sub-9 on any given Sunday so I have no idea why he remembers it but I was flattered none the less when he said, "That was awesome". In fact the only reason he didn't stick with the group of guys up the road was to help pace a friend of his doing the race for the first time. Paul is that kind of guy. Luckily for me his friend was hurting as well. Paul kept saying "I'm just happy to be here" and that alone made me smile.

We hit the steep and off camber climb and I dug into a tempo I hoped didn't annoy those riding behind me. Cleaned the first 2 switchbacks but my HR was exploding. Paul must have been frustrated when the line of guys we were in went from riding to pushing their bikes at the steep, shale switchbacks near the top of Linn Trail. But only a few guys can actually ride that part. I was happy to walk it. So we hiked up and then blazed down Wolf Ridge. I was wishing the entire race was downhill, I'm just no good at climbing.

It's easy to mis-shift or find yourself in a gear that won't help you get over the trail that just turned vertical around a sharp corner. That's how I passed my team mate, Colby after many minutes of buzzing his back wheel through the berms and whoops that cannot be left unmentioned. A new, finely tuned, surreal part of the course that reminded me of the BC Stage Race - sublime singletrack thanks to the efforts of many including the US Forest Service. Once back on Tillman Road Colby passed me by and seemed to settle into an effortless tempo. I struggled to match his pace and that bothered me. I should have been hammering away the road sections. Something was off.

I began to realize just how "off" my day was going to be as my 22lb scalpel felt more like a 45lb anvil. Somehow my electrolytes were horribly out of wack, it felt like nothing was getting past my upper stomach. Food, drink - nothing I put in seemed to get absorbed. I can rattle off all I did to prepare for this race but in the back of my head I knew damn well my race was a risk I took without hesitation. Desire cannot replace truth and there on the upper reaches of Hankey Mountain truth was coursing through my body in the form of massive lactic acid buildup. I should have never lined up after being sick for days, overtrained in 4 short weeks since my 9 week hiatus from riding thanks to surgery needed after a crash at Kelly Cup. I wasn't the same rider I had been in May and it showed. As I pushed the bike forward I caught myself trying to rest my head on the seat. What? Was I seriously trying to rest my head on the seat? I snapped at myself "DUDE! This is pathetic" and then the guy about 100' behind me chimed in. "DUDE! I can't believe we get to ride this downhill together!"

God Send is appropriate terminology as I consider previous rides with Jon Posner not only some of the most inspirational time I've spent riding but also the most motivational. I was back on the bike and pedaling, slow but steady as we crested the top of the climb. Deep breath, picking up speed. I didn't feel right about being in front so I pulled aside to let the zen master of descending lead it out. I could barely keep him in sight but what a sight it was: he wrapped around the first right turn with rear tire lifting off the ground (from massive breaking on the front), he aired over the step drop that shoves left as the bike changed direction, right to left in mid-air. 2 seconds later as I barreled around the same drop he was 150' ahead of me, floating down the lose scree headwall that begins Dowells Draft. On top of the next steep up (this is a "Harrisonburg Downhill" meaning you gotta pedal plenty) he waited for me and then dropped in again faster and bolder than before. Now he was warmed up and God help anything or anyone who got in his way. His bike was on rails, mine was not. People should have to pay to ride behind the guy - it's a spectacle. A freak show of ability and style. I was so caught up trying to follow his line I almost wrapped myself around a tree. I fought to hold my line and keep speed up. He was gone in an instant but I still smiled. That was worth a lot of cramping. Poz somehow passed 2 guys before I finished descending and came into Aid 3. I thought my hair was on fire but quickly realized it was just the toxic blood in my veins. I planned to stay there less than 3 minutes. I was there for 10. Maybe more. On the ground. Legs locked. Fighting crying like a little kid. Friends asked if I was ok. I nodded yes. Too embarrassed to stay I got on the bike and pressed forward.

Poz was gone but Paul Bushi had again emerged and rode with me. "I'm just happy to be here" he repeated. We talked about his wife and bread in the oven as the miles slowly rolled under our wheels. I appreciated having someone to talk to and follow, keeping my mind off the reduced power output my screaming legs tried in vein to produce. And so it went. Paul dropped me back into the hands of Poz who was waiting on top of the next mountain known for the descent called Braley's. I led this one out and immediately crashed. Poz roared past while I got up and kept at it realizing this downhill was one of the best on the course so I'd better clip the pity party and start enjoying it. Even feeling blown apart I savored the trail and it ran under my wheels: left, right, over, down, around, faster and faster.

I worked hard to get food into the tank at aid 4 but the tank seemed to have some blockage issues. 5, maybe 6 Pringles and a handful of Endurolytes ... I really didn't want to leave. I wanted to be a volunteer like I was in 2005. They give love and get handed sweaty camelbacks. I didn't want to answer their "What can I get you" because I was bitter with myself. "New legs" wasn't very funny so I just pointed to the Lime Heed. Another big mistake.

Poz finished his meal and together we limped back onto the road that slowly climbs for 20 miles. A few stops for both my back and his bake let team mate Charles Buki catch up. "Is that Gripped?" he yelled with enthusiasm from 100' back. I looked back and answered "Dude! Good to see you. Don't slow down for us, keep going" and as long as it took me to say that he was past us. Out of the seat, rocketing past us. "Keep going, you're killing it! GO MAN GO!" I yelled. Felt good to see this guy who I met in nearly the same place in 2006 doing so well. It was his 5th 100 of the season and he deserved a solid finish (he would not have a personal best but made the top 30 for the NUE Series).

I sipped my camel back and wondered what the hell I had put in there. Oh yea. Heed. So I stopped drinking. Brilliant. Poz and I traded stories, me from Tour de France and him from bike retail. "So Cavendish says "Jason, turn off the damn camera, I need to scratch me willy" ... and then ... "So a triathlete walks in and ..."
We were caught by groups and dropped by groups. I took a rest and bid Poz adieu as I laid down in the dirt. Not sure how long I was there but along came Pam, another team mate doing the race for her first time. She didn't realize it was me at first but I told her to not break cadence and keep going. She did. I immediately wanted someone to talk to so I hopped back on the bike, almost fell off again as my legs were not cooperating and tried to catch Pam. Nope.

Aid 5, where most people who quit pull the plug. I dismounted my bike and there went both legs, violently locked up. One of the volunteers yelled out, "Does anyone need a ride back to the campsite?" I felt like he was asking me personally. Just me. Like, "C'mon friend, all you have to do is say the word and the pain will be over" ... No one took him up on his offer. My back was in spasms. My thumbs had a hard time squeezing the water bottle they gave me without also cramping into a sign language "B". However quitting, hiding and skirting who I am, even at my worst, is not something within me so there I sat watching racer after racer come and go. I knew I would finish and I knew my result would be embarrasing. C'est la guerre. I would take it on the chin regardless. Over 30 minutes went by until I could stand without my legs locking. I talked with SM100 veterans Thori Wolfe, Kent Baake, Matt Donahue, Mike Klasmeier and I had to smile. They were also having a bad go of it and misery loves company. Soon I got back on the bike and rolled out. Soon they all passed me again.

Most of the rest of our team was either finished or DNF'd. Here's Colby at Aid 6 on a personal best time of 9:05

Between Aid 5 and 6 I got emotional. Maybe it was when I tried to take a leak and both legs locked leaving me felled like some chainsawed tree. Maybe it was when the amazingly talented 10 year old kid asked if I was ok as he passed me. Yes, 10 years old. Yes he passed me. Wow. Maybe it was finally arriving to that small opening in the woods at the start of the downhill that welled up tears, I could finally do what I do best. Whatever it was I knew I was going to finish even tho my body felt like dying. And it wasn't easy to hold back those emotions. So I let them out as the trail turned down. I let the wheels roll as fast as they would or until racers ahead slowed me. I patiently passed one after another on my bid to Aid 6 where one of my closest friends was waiting. I was running on fumes but riding on fire ... and for a moment, it was brilliant.

Aid 6. Into the arms of Chris and Steph I collapsed. They picked me back up, put me in a chair, brought me coke and water and food and love. I sat there and soaked it in while my legs raged a war against me. Mike K. of DCMTB wrote, " Jason was back in a chair with horror-movie cramps. I've never seen 2" divots in somebody's legs CAUSED by their legs. He was hurting but laughing it off. Not a lot but I did see him crack a smile."

I told Stephanie I was shattered. She said, "You can sit here and tell me you're shattered or you can get up, finish and tell me at the camp site with a beer in your hands." So I got up, smiled at my friends and kept at it.
Implosion

Proof of smile

I knew what was left and knew it would suck but I tried to welcome each part of it. 12 more miles and one more big climb, then another Harrisonburg Downhill. As you get close to the finish of the SM100 you feel something special, you know good or bad day it is almost over and the suffering will stop. The celebration, drinking, sharing stories and eating will soon begin. I rolled in with my head down, lightly tapped the gong and sheepishly took my pint glass. In that field stood (or lay cramping) hundreds of finishers and supporters, friends and volunteers, and at that moment we all were one. We all survived and we all gave each other credit with small looks, nods and smiles. For that moment, shattered as I was, things were wonderful and all was ok.

You can't say "it's over" because the next 12 hours hurt almost as much as those previous 12. Healing comes slowly and for many, the pain is too much to sit in a tent and endure. At 5am my team mate Scuba Steve packed it in. An hour later Jessica did the same. I soon followed suit. But as with race-day pain it does subside and what is left is a lifetime of memories of having lined up and tried. And for anyone who tried this year or another a pat on the back and a bit of a smile. This race is hard. It will push you to places you are not ready to visit. If you don't achieve your goal it feels like Hell. I finished just under 12 hours, a long way to fall from my previous effort of 8:50. But in the end I always learn something and appreciate everyone involved with the Shenandoah Mountain 100. Until next year...

Thanks to my friends, my team, our sponsors & Chris Scott.
-JB

Here's some random photos of our weekend.
Helping Chris get the lawn cut.

Scuba and Jared fueling

Jessica fresh from the White House

Penny taking it in, Friday before the race.

Jared, Penny, Steph

Jessica and Pam wondering what it will be like for their first try

Scuba setting up the Taj Mahal

His air mattress was so big it was brought in on a truck.

General Scuba didn't measure properly. It was almost too big.

"That's what she said"

Some days you have it, some days you don't

2011-09-06T07:45:00.000-07:00

2011 Shenandoah Mountain 100 - what it looks like when things don't go according to plan.

Photo poached from ToShun Campbell

The Shenandoah Mountain 100 2011

2011-09-01T09:12:00.000-07:00

Sent from a friend, thought it worth sharing. An artistic reminder of why I do this race and what is truly important.

Hmmmmm

2011-08-18T12:39:00.000-07:00

I think Liz is onto something here...

"Bitterness is a nasty solvent that erodes every good thing," an Emory associate professor of psychiatry told CNN.
Feeling persistently resentful toward other people -- the boss who fired you, the spouse who cheated on you -- can indeed affect your physical health, according to a new book, "Embitterment: Societal, psychological, and clinical perspectives."

Crossroads

2011-08-16T07:15:00.001-07:00

one way is known, familiar, easy. The other is not.

Danny Macaskill

2011-08-15T19:43:00.000-07:00

Even when it doesn't feel like it

2011-07-25T21:35:00.000-07:00

Est-ce que Je suis chanceux?

2011-07-15T09:23:00.000-07:00

The answer isn't always an easy one. What is easy is to get caught up in the moments. It is easy to lose sight of the big picture when facing setbacks & unfair, unjust criticism. It is easy to get caught up in a defense, a justification, an un-winable argument. I am currently caught up, trying to remember what the bigger picture is.

I am faced with the loss of something dear and defining to me, of me. I had a chance and it is gone. It was a chance, through appreciation for what I created in Chasing Legends, to be paid as a professional to do something similar. Or so it was sold to me. The opportunity to take my work from indy-film to prime-time NBC sports. For millions of Americans to see. To do what I do best and show people a perspective of a spectacle few get to experience. The chance of a lifetime to prove I belong, I am capable, I CAN. The heady thoughts of success filled my entire being. I was going to succeed or die trying.

I did not succeed, I am not dead, so where am I? For reasons I cannot explain I am no longer shooting the Tour de France, I am no longer part of it. My role was reversed from journalist to spectator and as quick as I type these words I have lost my breath, my direction and my raison d'étre. That is where I am.

I cannot always control what happens. An obvious statement not so obviously learned. Should I type how lucky I felt in the big picture of my life to have had what, in my small picture mind was the biggest opportunity I've ever had and end there? Should I only focus on the chance and not what came of it? Should I post a few photos sure to elicit an emotional response akin to jealousy and envy so to leave you thinking something other than truth? Will you continue to read these words wondering where it went wrong or will you rest easy with the thought of what might have been and walk away?
View from our first hotel, day 1

We hit the ground running, prepared for battle and ready for whatever the Tour would through at us. We landed in Paris, assembled the team and drove to Vendee. Curtis, armed and ready.

I had extra work each day, tending to the bandages on my hand, hoping I wouldn't pull apart the 5 tiny stitches holding my finger tendon together. If i forgot and picked up one heavy object it would snap quickly and painfully.

From there we worked hard all day, every day, late into the nights. Our travel averaged 3 cities a day amidst finding our subjects, shooting, importing the footage and then editing up a 3-5 min feature in less than 24 hours.

We were mobile and effective, it was working. We ran into technical issues and worked through them. We ran into logistical issues and found ways around them.

We ran into brick walls and scaled over them. They hired us to shoot and produce one feature each day. By the time they flicked us I was editing out two per day. We took the viewer behind the lines with soigneurs, press agents, sport directors. We were set to do a feature on the chefs,

podium girls,

helo pilots...

However we were hit from behind by a juggernaut bent on destruction and it ruined us despite our résistance..

Still the ever-present beauty of France is something that we never lost sight of

I was told I failed. I do not agree. I was told I brought in nothing of value yet every day of the tour our footage and interviews were used. Tyler was always nice to give us time when we asked. Stoked to see him win on the 4th. He was so happy.

Thor, best friends with Jens, is not as talkative but gave us plenty. No one else got interviews like we did.

The details of the argument will be left to the litigious ones. What cannot be denied is that my greatest chance, the most glaring potential for furthering my pathetic career has been blown to bits. Once again the sweet taste of success, before I could swallow it down and feel content has turned bitter. I risked so much to make it happen, finding a surgeon who would mend my hand only a few days before I was set to leave the country.

I spent thousands and thousands of dollars gearing up for the effort. I studied, researched and learned all I could in the few weeks I had before it began. I gave up sleep and fitness to be as prepared as possible ... yet still it all came to an abrupt halt. And while I know in my heart I did not fail, the status of my 'here and now' is the same. All that can be changed is the perspective from which the picture is viewed.

My failure consists of having turned in our media passes, no longer allowed behind the barriers or past the guards. Not one of the 8 features we produced was aired, regardless of my opinion that it was some of my finest work.
Before leaving we watched another stage finish, this time without cameras rolling.

We reluctantly said our goodbyes to the crew we had just begun to bond with.

Our path had officially changed into an unclear direction

We e-mailed our team contacts and broke our engagements, much to their dismay. The Tour headed South as we drove North, retreating many hours to Lyon where Jeremy lives.
We took a few hours to be human & decompress.

Curtis went for a ride on his bike while JZ and I fired up the motos.

As I began a new campaign to secure a client mid-Tour (the likeliness bleak at best) we took Curtis to the airport.
And then there were two. It was a task to find a smile. JZ lost his.

We did some filming in Ternand, a thousand year old village built high on a hill to help keep the boarders of Lyon secure centuries ago. The remains of its castle are a perfect backdrop for interviews. With no one left to finish the story we did it ourselves. Most likely never to be seen.

A day later we turned in our rental car and braved the highways on our only remaining form of transportation, JZ's motorcycle.

He took me around Lyon to see some of the sights including Notre-Dame de Fourviére

We met up with Jeremy's friends and celebrated Bastille Day downtown, under the brilliant display of fireworks over the basilica.

I was amazed at how quiet and orderly everyone in the crowd was. No one was shouting, no drunken shoving or fighting, everyone was quiet and respectful. Clearly not American.

I cannot easily, perhaps permanently undue what opinions my former client may have formed of me and my ability or lack thereof. I cannot change the fact of where I sit and what I now spend my time on compared to where I was and what I think I should be doing.

Jeremy has had a tough time as well.

If nothing else the return to Lyon let him deal with his issues in person. He is eager to get back to being creative in his own way, drawing & photographing the beautiful women of Lyon.

I try to travel my path in life engulfing myself in the full experience of it, good or bad. I will not hesitate to share with anyone who cares to read of my fulfilling and justifying success or my horrible, depressing failure. I figure if nothing else perhaps my roller coaster may prove entertaining. What happens tomorrow is completely unknown. Where i will be in a week is even more hidden from me. All I know is amidst the highs, lows and excitement of it all I am indeed lucky, even when I am not. Am I happy? I'd prefer to answer that one another day.

Esplanade de la Résistance

2011-07-07T12:58:00.000-07:00

Sent to me
by my father
who I try hard to make proud

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The CREDIT belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust , sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat."

-Teddy Roosevelt

PreRace.com

2011-06-22T18:33:00.000-07:00

Shout out to PreRace.com - nice article on Gripped Films as we embark on another Tour de France, this time with Versus. Good to finally meet you Lucas (who set up the interview), next time I'm in Boulder we will ride mtb!!

Las Vegas Film Festival

2011-05-20T02:53:00.000-07:00

Just announced - "Chasing Legends" wins a GOLDEN ACE AWARD at the Las Vegas Film Festival!!!
Damn, can't attend as we'll be shooting the Tour in France... oh well.

nosce te ipsum

2011-05-17T07:42:00.000-07:00

It's not often I find the same smile on my face for more than a day but after this past weekend it's still there so I figured I'd mention it. I notice now more than ever when I smile, maybe because of this Winter. I have always believed it very hard to experience true happiness unless you've lived in the opposite direction and been immersed in a dark place. To emerge from such a place **better** can bring a sensitivity to all things good. As Fall ended and the the chill of winter took hold, the events of months prior left the following questions for me; Can you be as critical of yourself as you are of others? Can you handle and deal with an honest look inward? Can you let what you see change you? Can you become **better** ? Tough questions. I'm an honest person. "To a fault" so I am told. But that is who I am and something I find value in. I'm an artist plagued by a need to create and tormented by a willingness to share. My answers to those tough questions I thought worth sharing.

Through a dark winter of painful introspection, personal growth & learning,
impossibly long & suffering workouts,
I spent quality time exploring the depth of who I really am

alone -
by design
Because sooner or later we all have to face ourselves, the decisions we've made and the consequences of them. Without accepting the responsibility of our own actions there is no way we can be a true person & without truth, why bother?

From feeling burned and angry, hurt and humiliated, I let go of others' beliefs & opinions, and looked deep inside myself. I found what good was there - it had never left, only been in shadow. Self pity can be a dangerous drug and for a chemically-driven person and I knew I was indulging in the hollow darkness of loathing. I spent time with my demons giving them a bit too much power. Now the time has come to take that power back.

What 'Power'? There's an unshakable strength found in taking what you fear most and holding it close, getting to know it. I can say that to some extent, what I dreaded has become my sanctuary. I took the opportunity of the new and the fear of uncertainty and wrapped both arms wide around them and I haven't a need to let go. I've taken the worst that my fears had to offer and made it my comfort. It's like training - you can cheat all you want but come race day that cheating shows up fast. This Winter I explored my full ability to suffer both on and off the bike. I went as far as I could into pain and hurt and horrible feelings. I did not blame, I did not bitch and moan - I took any criticism the world had and heaped more on. I asked those closest to me what they saw as my weaknesses, some offering more than I wanted to hear. I didn't get defensive I just took it in. I asked myself where was I dishonest, what had I done wrong and why? What could I do better? Hard core questions with bare and raw answers. No one on the planet will judge me more than I judged myself. And when I could take no more, when there was nothing left to tear apart, when my legs had stopped screaming but instead simply shut down ... I emerged. Now I have the strength of something those fears will never know - I have truth. I am finally getting to know myself from the bottom up, all things good and bad. I'm not hiding, I'm not lying, I'm not putting up a facade for the world to see knowing what's behind it is cowering & scared or shallow & weak. My weakest links have been stanchioned.

When you enter a race - something which on the surface can seem very trivial (who gets there first is what compared to who gets there last?) it helps to know why you are racing. For years I've raced and for a lot of that time I don't know how sure I was as to why. This past weekend I raced with a single purpose, knowing damn well what my goal was and why I was there ... I raced to win.

It has taken this cold Spring, long Winter and maybe the last few years of my life to know more than ever I was there to win. To give everything I could without holding back. To have no doubt of self. There's the tie-in. To feel as I lined up at the start it was earned. A world champion mountain biker once told me "You will never win until you know you deserve to win. Until you know you have worked harder than everyone else there. And that knowledge comes from the work. If you don't put the suffering into the bank, you cannot ask to withdraw a win. Only you know when you have earned it but even then - will you take it from the others who feel the same?"

The Poolesville Road Race is known for it's mile + section of dirt/gravel road pitted with holes and bumps, not something you typically find in a race for road bikes with skinny tires. But I love this race and looked forward to it. The rains held off and we lined up. Coolest plate in the parking lot, foreshadowing

Conditions were perfect and while I had no team mates I was happy to ride with the Coppi guys who I've raced and trained with all Spring. We did what we could to split things up but the pack was tight to the end. The sprint started late and only with 200m to go did the rules allow for crossing the yellow line and enough room to move around slower racers in front. My attack went up the right side but another racer in front of me had the same idea and I was diverted into the grass. I got back on asphalt but there went the sprint - 12th. Not the result I wanted but I was still happy about the day's efforts and having worked hard at it. in the parking lot a guy came up and told me how much he loves the films I've helped make - said his entire family loves them. That was great, a smile emerged. Eluded by a win I took out my "I deserved that" frustration at the Vie de France Bakery. Oh hell yea I earned this...

Sunday I was signed up for 2 races at the Mabra Crit Championships in Leonardtown, MD, the 35+ cat 4/5 and the cat 3/4's. A new race for me I traveled there solo, taking in the green fields and small towns along the way. I arrived early, warmed up properly and lined up with many guys I had worked with the day before. I hoped they felt pain in their legs as I did. The advice I got on this short loop was get to the front and stay there - with 3 corners the first being very tight and in a 'down to up' dip I took heed and dove into it first.
I went hard the first 2 laps then backed it off as there were 27 laps to go. That's when Chas from District Velocity went past, looked back at me like, "C'mon let's go" and I didn't respond. We both had worked hard the day before and I questioned his move so early in the race - a mistake I won't again make. So much of racing is knowing your competitors. In this photo notice the lines on the wall in the background - it's not been shifted, he's that low. Impressive.

2 more laps later he was joined and the win was in jeopardy. Another view of the divot-turn

When an ABRT rider launched ahead I joined him and we worked together to bridge the gap.

But the gap was too big for us both, we were caught with only a few laps to go. The pack slowed a bit when they caught us, typically another attack would go away but none did. I didn't have it in me to continue pulling and asked the boys to come through. A couple did and Tony from District V gave me a welcome push on my back - the guy is first class. I got back into the draft and took a few deep breaths before the bell lap began.

The guys in the break battled for 1st and Chas didn't have the kick so he took 2nd. We rounded the last corner really fast and I took it tight so I could get around the 2 in front of me. In a split second that little voice of doubt asked, "So do you deserve it?" and my legs screamed back "Yes!"

It was only for 3rd but that sprint was not easily won. I made it to the line first but a half second past it I was passed not knowing for sure who took it. The guy who passed me, a very nice guy from Syn Fit said I had it. Results were posted and the smile sank in. I think the best part however, was the slow lap we took after finishing and chatting with the guys. Everyone seemed really stoked, I got a few pats on the back and a couple handshakes. At races, there is generally only one guy who doesn't have room to complain but it's so nice to not hear a string of excuses or negative energy after a race. Everyone but that one guy has a part of them unhappy for not winning but racing with seasoned guys you start to realize half the fun is being part of it - racing. Most guys at 40 spend the weekends screaming at the tv shoving loads of garbage into themselves and talking about their good 'ol days.

I had to bail on the 2nd race of the day tho I'd have liked to see how I would have fared. Instead I raced home to join friends old and new on a tour of the White House led by my old friend and team mate Iggy who works in the presidential food service. I was joined by my good friends Mark & Sara from East Of Maui Annapolis, Stephanie and a couple other friends of Iggys.

I guess they used to have some short folks working there...this is Iggy emerging from a halfling-door.

His office is in the old Executive Building.

This is where Iggy parks his ride.

I found the stairs visually stunning.

As well as the skylights.

And the paintings & sculptures

Snipers are always cool

Model ships

They don't let you take photos in the White House like they once did so not much to show there. But it was nice to be on the inside of this door.

As the amelioration process continues, I find myself paying more attention to the positive things in life and learning (tho it's not easy for this kid) to let go of the negative. I've always appreciated my friends & family and worked hard at keeping them close but perhaps now I'm focusing on giving more positive back to them. It's not easy to change old habits, to break free of one's self in an effort to build a better one. However I am learning, working and trying.

Life is challenging, like a bike race. It's not so much about who gets there first, it's so much more about how you train for it, how you prepare. Then on race day how you handle yourself through all the shit that is thrown at you from the moment you line up to the drive home and after. Will you point fingers and shout blame at those around you for mistakes you know you made? Or will you give credit to those who beat you on the day and wait patiently for your success to come? Will you lie about the answer you gave when that little voice of doubt asked "can you?" Or will you take the good with the bad and learn from them both to grow better? I believe the answers are what make up each and every one of us.

I am becoming a better racer, a better team mate, a better friend and a better person. For those close to me, thank you for your patience. It's taken a while but at 41 years of age I'm getting to know truth, happiness and I think finally - the self I want to be.

(and thanks to those whose photos I poached)

ITS OFFICIAL - TOUR DE FRANCE 2011 !!

2011-05-12T11:43:00.000-07:00

It's official - Gripped Films is joining forces with Versus and NBC to bring you the Tour de France 2011 !!!!! We will be shooting and editing daily a 5-8 minute segment for the Prime Time Evening Show. We're gettin' the band back together!

All Good Things...

2011-05-09T06:34:00.000-07:00

Just found out that the Go-Time Racing / Plum Grove Cyclery events at the Rockland Farm in Leesburg have been cancelled. The farm is investing in more cattle since bike racing wasn't bringing in as much money and God knows they have a huge piece of land to pay for. Understandable. But it's sad just the same. I've raced that course many times in the last 5 years and loved every one (with the slight exception of this past season's SnotCycle). It was a fun, relatively easy course that all abilities could race on. The venue was perfect for camping and bonfires, pushing your limits and bonding with friends. I hope they can work out continuing at least the Bakers Dozen with the owners. Considering how often their races sold out I also hope they find an alternate venue for new races. Great people putting on great races is something mountain biking desperately needs more of. Even their new Speed Freaks logo was great - designed by Stephanie Wolf - my good friend and soon to be mountain bike racer (if I can get her to stop running off road ultra-marathons).

Aruba

2011-05-03T06:36:00.001-07:00

Took a quick trip to Aruba last month with a single goal of learning to kiteboard. Just me, alone for a week. Steady wind and small waves. Kite. Board. Bit of adventure and a lot of recharging.

I think I found what I was looking for. Triumph.

Apropos for the trip, a little New Order
As I look at the morning sky
Today the wind is blowing hard
See that bird is floating high
Pretty soon it will be tired

I spent a day all by myself
A rich man without his wealth
Sometimes I get it wrong
But I'm not the only one

The afternoon was very clear
The sun was beating down on me
I got thirsty for a beer
That I had to go to sea

The sea was very rough
It made me feel sick
But I like that kind of stuff
It beats arithmetic

I don't want the world to change
I like the way it is
Just give me one more wish
I can't get enough of this

When it gets to be alive
And not just still survive
To hit and not to miss
I can't get enough of this

The early evening mists
Look beautiful to me
Was sweeter than a kiss
I wish you all could see

I'm a long long way from home
But this photograph of you
Even though it's monochrome
Tells me what I should do

So I got up on my feet
I knew it would be alright
For my clothes were looking beat
In the middle of the night

I don't want the world to change
I like the way it is
Just give me one more wish
I can't get enough of this

When it gets to be alive
And not just still survive
To hit and not to miss
I can't get enough of this

I don't want the world to change
I like the way it is
Just give me one more wish
I can't get enough of this

When it gets to be alive
And not just still survive
To hit and not to miss
I can't get enough of this

I can't get enough of this

A young buck

2011-04-23T00:00:00.001-07:00

I didn't hit him. But as I drove by I saw his tail flip. I had to stop. Had to call the cops for help. While I waited I watched him breathing, flipping his tail and slowly moving his legs. Someone had hit him and kept driving, not giving a damn about him or what pain he might have been in as he lay there dying. I cared. I stayed. I talked to him till the cops came. He had little horns starting to come in. A buck. I held his head till they asked me to step aside. I heard the gunshot and breathed in deep. His suffering was over.

I just wish more people cared about things other than themselves.

Twelve Feet

2011-04-21T06:16:00.000-07:00

This past week the Potomac went over flood stage (which is generally considered ten feet on the Little Falls gauge). It doesn't happen too often so Martin and I jumped at the chance to experience it. Back in the day I paddled over 200 days a year and would have charged some of the massive rapids we saw.

Thankfully I don't feel the need to prove myself like I once did. We put in downstream.

Directors Having Fun

2011-04-20T06:28:00.001-07:00

best use of a Hero Cam

H30

2011-04-14T10:17:00.000-07:00

My old friend Howard Holt, well into his 50's with 2 teenaged kids shows he can still rip the water like a pro. Used to wakeboard and barefoot with him every weekend. Might have to get back into that this summer...

Mr. Liggett & Byzantium

2011-03-19T18:53:00.000-07:00

Doesn't matter if I've stayed at his house, seen him a few dozen times or been to 110 mph in his Go-Fast-Car after I had drinks with him and his boyos at the local pub - I still get a big fat smile on my face when I get an e-mail from Phil Liggett. Reading his e-mail asking how I am, how I am healing - reminds me of the past few year's accomplishments,

of Truth

and of Friends.
Which I had regrettably lost sight of.

It also reminds me of a song...
since I'm not much for my own words these past many months

"Here and now, i feel that I'm embracing freedom
Even though i may be alone, but that's ok
And looking out to a different sky will disengage me
Absence is never the answer, i know, but it serves as my shade"

Proximus.

Thanks for some shade, Phil.

Someone

2011-03-05T14:35:00.000-08:00

ought to make a movie about this...
"Cincinnati (CNN) -- As he cradled his wife's limp body in his arms, Tim Delgado told himself, "You have to do this.""

Kind of amazing, really.

RARELY

2011-02-17T15:32:00.000-08:00

do I see a trailer for a "huck film" and watch it twice, let alone 3 or 4 times in a row. For years I've been both inspired and let down by hundreds of adventure films that get caught up in one big jump, drop or huck after another with zero storyline and even less style. But sometimes, RARELY - something will break the mold, define a new era, usher in fresh style and make me want to drop everything I'm doing and do something like it (or attempt to best it knowing it will be nearly impossible).

This is one of those trailers:
ART OF FLIGHT

The Making Of

2011-02-10T09:54:00.000-08:00

Shot in a day - amazing. Click on it twice to get the full frame view.

Eye of the Storm

2011-02-10T09:48:00.001-08:00

My friend Jason Chiodo (& the guys at Racket Sound) worked on the sound for this. I found the shooting & animation amazing (and the sound is pretty solid too). I look forward to working on something cool again soon.

Do yourself a favor and watch the full screen HD version. I'm very impressed.

Sometimes

2011-02-03T16:25:00.000-08:00

Almost 6,000 people watched our film last night and the response has been so amazing today. I thought about it for a second, thought about how hard it was & the hell we went through to make it ... yet still - I have to crack a smile.

Thank you Canada. Amidst all the shit I've done wrong, you reminded me that sometimes I get it right.

"Hi guys,

You will be pleased to know that we were sold out for Victoria and Vancouver BC. Here is a shot of Victoria Cineplex last night.

I spoke to Jesse Robinson who is the Senior Operations manager at Silver City Victoria, and they have never seen such a high turnout for a single screening on a documentary. He indicated that in Victoria alone, they sold over 400 tickets.

Originally they had booked the smaller theatre that had 200 seat capacity, however online ticket sales were going through the roof and they had to move it to their biggest theatre.

Congratulations and good job on getting this out to the masses!

Jon Watkin"

Thanks for the photo Jon.

SnotCycle 2011 - True Grit

2011-02-01T06:34:00.001-08:00

The 2011 Racing Season has BEGUN! This past weekend Gripped Racing fielded 11 racers for the third annual SnotCycle mountain bike race put on by Plum Grove Cyclery. When I pulled up I thought I made a mistake in not driving my 4x4 truck but our new Saab S3-X loved the snow (probably more than I would this day). Huge thanks to International Motors Saab, our newest sponsor. We'll have her painted up proper in a week or two.

It was a successful day for Gripped Racing tho each of us would suffer a good bit to finish. Of our 11 competing, 5 made the top 10 of their category, an outstanding day considering the conditions were so heinous. Tough conditions are to be expected at SnotCycle and SnotCycle delivered in spades. It wasn't as cold as prior years but it was cold enough to keep the snow from melting and the tent legs sticking together. Didn't matter, we had Dogfish Head Beer.

Base Camp

The snow was deep and the course wasn't rideable. In fact it took all the Cat 3's, Cat 2's and Cat 1 men to beat the snow into submission enough to make the course mostly rideable. The Cat 1 women and Singlespeeders who raced after enjoyed faster lap times and got to race on their bikes as opposed to running beside them, but such is bike racing. Plum Grove accommodated for this by tripling the Cat 3 prize purse. I think it took the winner of Cat 3 men, who hit the course before anyone, almost 3 hours to do one lap! A prize well earned.
This is Penny scouting the course

Pre-race at base camp

This is Jess, Cat 2 4th place

Paul Morris spent the first lap with Tim the Kop. They didn't know their race was cut to one lap and pulled the plug 2 miles from what would have been their finish. Had to be frustrating.

By my account this was a top 3 hardest of one-day races in my 10 years of racing and my legs are still angry from the effort. Luckily I incorporated a few days of running into my training the last couple months however, I have very little interest in running and certainly not when I could be on my bike during a race. But the choice wasn't mine so when Rob announced to the Category 1's, "It's SnotRideable for much of the first loop" I took a deep breath.

When he released the hounds of Cat 1 all thoughts of not being a runner were shelved. I soon pressed into 2nd place and just as quickly overextended my running abilities. I hate running but I had to. I do my best to be competitive yet reasonable and when someone is chomping at my heels I don't force them to go around, I often pull aside and give up a spot. So I did. I was in 3rd for a good portion of the first lap then slipped again back to 5th after running what I would guess was close to 6 miles and riding 2 more. Through the start/finish was rideable but soon after, once in the pasture again it was back to running and that's when the legs began their revolution against the tyrant who drove them forward. Soon into the woods a familiar face appeared behind me - Joe Fritsch who often wins these races. I was in good company but I couldn't keep up with his solid running pace amidst him encouraging me to. My legs were having none of it, even tho this lap was much, much more rideable the damage had been done. Joe marched onto a respectable 5th but my power was gone and I was fighting my wobbly arms, squinting my taxed eyes (snowblinding factored in heavily) almost laughing at my lack of balance, my hands hurt (still with broken finger screaming at me) and I had a groaning, empty stomach - gotta love bike racing. Anytime the front tire would venture off line the bike all but stopped. On we all went, fighting the always tempting thought of pulling the plug and quitting.

Then from behind came the grunting and snorting of fresh riders hammering for a win. Single speed category was now on course and breathing hard down my neck. I did my best to move off course before the leaders had to break stride but that led to a couple Cat 1's also passing - namely my teammates Colby and Jared.
Colby laps a cat 2 rider on his way to 6th place in Cat 1

Jared shedding leg warmers as his legs heated up thanks to Mad Alchemy embro. Cat 1 - 7th place

I fought to keep with them but my grasp was slipping. With less than 3 miles to go I cracked like I've never cracked before. I had broken my own rule of drinking 1 bottle per lap. The cost of taking both hands off the bars seemed too high - by race end I had only finished half of one bottle and taken in zero gels. Rookie mistake and I paid for it. When Jon Rourke (Gary Fisher WCT) and teammate El Blanco passed me my spirits brightened and I finished close behind them.
Blanco in his element - Cat 1 11th place

I was loving my Russian Tea embro but forgot to apply it to my lower back. Surely what kept me from the podium. Here I am barely hanging on for 12th place Cat 1

Best part of the day, as with any suffer-fest of a race, was having good friends there to share the experience with.

Everything is wonderful once that pain stops - even the most simple thing like being handed a hot chocolate became sheer bliss. Having friends who kept the hot chocolate warm & ready for the blown apart, frozen racers - priceless.

My hat is off to all who started this race. Big respect for those who finished. And most of all - huge shout to the first racers through the unbroken snow early in the morning. You were the heros of the day, regardless of how long it took you to finish. Those people in the beginner Category 3 who might have struggled were there no snow on the ground - to those who finished a lap of that course, in that snow - bravo! You have true grit, spirit and determination.

Rob starting slow - finishing fast. Cat 2 40+ - 2nd place

Iggy remembering his days of cycling in Alaska. Cat 1 - 22nd place

Buki getting his breath back and noticing all the numbers of racers who didn't bother to show. Cat 1 - 24th place

Stephanie kept the hot chocolate hot and Pam, who rode her mtb FROM DC (5.5 hours) to come spectate is having trouble deciding between a hot chocolate and a cold Dogfish Head...no choice for Colby.

Another shot of Matt Lough grinding ahead. Impressive guy - Day 2 buddy. Day 2.

Borrowed Words

2011-01-21T06:24:00.000-08:00

From Matthew Good

Used to steal real estate signs
Cookie keep them in her basement
Used to stay up all night
Chemistry set a replacement
Ya, I've seen that door
And I've walked through it both ways before

I live just around here
I sleep just around here
And I wake up every day
Where my feet hit the floor in exactly the same place

Tell me will I love?
And tell me will it be enough?

Or tell me will I stay
With my feet in exactly the same place?

Hold me like you'd never let me go
Bear it like you'd never let it show
Shine a light and so never let me go

Well I grew up just around here
And I took a few just around here
And I'd wake up every day
With poison in my head behind exactly the same face

Tell me will I dream?
And tell me will it be serene?
Or tell me will I stay
With my feet in exactly the same place?

Hold me like you'd never let me go
Bear it like you'd never let it show
Shine a light and so never let me go
Never let me go

Motivation

2011-01-20T16:09:00.001-08:00

An image from "Life Cycles"

I'm very much looking forward to attending the screenings at National Geographic of the Banff Mountain Film Festival World Tour. This is the very event that motivated me, some 12 years ago, to become a film maker. It always sells out so if you're going get your tickets quick. Huge thanks to the folks at Banff and my good friend Jim.
Can't wait.

Small Rewards

2011-01-15T13:36:00.000-08:00

Eat. Work. Ride.

Eat. Sleep.

Repeat.
Keeping life simple, honest.

Ameliorate

2011-01-13T07:47:00.000-08:00

The Greek poet Aeschylus wrote,
“He who learns must suffer.”

Winter Training - time to HTFU

2011-01-09T11:55:00.001-08:00

I'm not gonna lie - I was a bit intimidated at 7am this morning, driving out to the Plains of VA to join the Haymarket ride. Over 100 people were there last week while I was busy shattering my pointer finger on a rock at Gambril Park.

And not just 100 average joes - this ride attracts the fastest guys in the area, mostly cat 1 & 2's. As I neared the Haymarket bike shop I wondered how fit I was. I haven't raced in 5 months. My finger is broken in 3 places with 6 stitches holding it together. It REALLY doesn't like the cold and the temps as I pulled in were hovering just over 20°, wind blasting the Plains with gusts over 35mph. No team mates joined me and while a few guys I knew were signed up along with over 100 others only about 40 showed. What was I thinking? I was out of my league for sure. I wondered if my gamble to gauge my fitness would backfire and leave my confidence in the gutter.

As I kitted up with double booties and double jackets I realized I didn't have a pump or Co2 in case of a flat. I asked Jarred, Cat 1 rockstar and owner of the shop if he'd turn on the register & sell me a pump which he did and even took a few bucks off when he could have charged me more for being a pain in his ass. Super guy and since I only loosely knew a couple other guys there, I figured it a prudent move for I was sure to get a flat on some of the 20+ miles of gravel road the course was hiding. Best to be self sufficient, for no Cat 1 roadie was going to pull over and offer me his pump while the ride (which turns into a bragging rights race) heated up. While I did see one other mountain biker there, pro racer and Leadville 100 veteran Jeff Dickey, I kept hearing the voices of Phil Liggett and Eddy Merckx, "Jason, this isn't a mountain bike race..."

Ryan McKinney, who showed up on an old steel bike with fenders, used to race with my business parter Ken Bell about 12 years ago. I met Ryan when he was 17 and he was on his way to being stoopid fast on both mt. and road bikes. True to form he's now also a Cat 1 rockstar, even on an old steel bike with fenders. Take note J-Wa. I don't know why I seek out situations to punish myself (or let others do it for me) but here I was again. Deep breath, clip in, roll out.

The first hour was all headwind and bitter cold but luckily the pace stayed relatively slow until we hit the first 4 miles of gravel. Some guys went backwards, some surged forwards. I figured I'd test the legs and my road-bike-in-gravel skills so up to the front I went. Throw in some punchy climbs, sketchy descents, flying rocks and oncoming cars on these narrow roads and it was pretty fun. We took a nature break, let the group reform and then it was off again. Now the pace heated up and one guy went off the front, into the wind solo. After a minute or so the Harley team surged after him so I gave chase. Again, why? I was happy to draft Jarred's wheel when he roared past me and helped drag me up to the blasting chase group. I was full gas, wondering how long I could hang. We formed a solid pace line and amazingly couldn't pull the lone rider back. After about 10 miles I was hurting and then the long climb up to Middleburg threatened to shatter me but as I started to dangle off the back they pulled over and stopped, letting most of the group reform. Deep breath, gel, clip in, keep going.

But now the big guns were warmed up and ready to fire. The first hill saw local legends Joe Dombroski and Dave Osborne pushing the pace. I gave Jeff Dickey a look like, "see you later buddy" and he smiled back. Smile? I was about to throw up a lung, how could he be smiling?? I was SO out of my league. But I hung on and even put my time in at the front taking the shortest pulls possible. Then came more punchy climbs and I was coming apart. There was no escaping the Grand Canyon of difference between a Cat 1 and this lowly Cat 4 - it's the top 10% of output, meaning they had 10% more to give and I didn't. See ya, backwards I went, straight through the group and out the back.

Luckily the Haymarket team car went by slow enough for me to jump in their draft. I totally cheated half the way back to the main group but when the guys driving saw me they picked it up past my ability to pedal. That's when Harley veteran Sean Barry, who must have taken a wrong turn passed and I jumped on his wheel. While he said he had done the same ride a few months prior, he made another wrong turn with me in tow and for about 5 miles total we were off course, trading pulls into the wind. Once we found the correct turn the road turned back to gravel and the climb over 1,000' started. He showed me pity and kept it slow but after my second flat I let him ride off. I was bummed surely be the last to finish but stoked to have that pump and 2 tubes.

It was my third flat that made me ultra aware of the pain in my finger, the soreness in my back and how f-ing cold it was on that ridge. But again a silver lining lay in the return of asphalt under my tires.

I lost another 15 minutes applying a patch with numb blocks of wood that were once my fingers. Thank God it held as I rolled back to the shop dead last, tho I have no idea how many didn't bother to finish.

Sure I was a bit disappointed and would have loved to have vied for the sprint but my reality isn't there yet, not even close. Although Hell, it IS only January and by the time the REAL racing begins who knows, I might be 1 or 2% better. I guess that's why they say it takes about 10 years of racing and training to reach your full potential. Huge thanks to Mad Alchemy for keeping my legs and back warm - my only parts that are not stinging as I type this. And if you don't know what HTFU means, check YouTube.

Good BYE 2010, HELLO 2011

2010-12-30T09:09:00.000-08:00

You have to love a mother with a sense of humor.
This little stocking stuffer came with a very apropos label on the wrapping -

"To make sure you get rid of all the shit from 2010..."

"Christmas, Bikes, Courage"

2010-12-23T16:46:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I was reminded I've made friendships and bonds that will outlast some of the BS I've gone through lately, regardless of the distance or time in-between visits. Here is a dose of true holiday spirit in proper Canadian fashion from Jim, a friend who lives in Banff.

Jason,

I donated a bike in your name through 88 Bikes , an excellent charity started by filmmaker Dan Austin (True Fans). I'll send him the enclosed photo, and they'll take it with them when they deliver the bikes. Then you get a photo of a happy kid somewhere in the world, with your photo and their new bike. I've been doing this since the first year they started with a goal of 88 bikes (just saw online that we did bike #16) and they are now up to over 800 bikes for their new project.

And if you could use a smile (and who couldn't), check out this blog posting from the first project in Cambodia. Moment of Happy indeed!

As I said before, I have tremendous respect and admiration for how you have been able face (your recent) challenges with integrity and courage. I hope that this holiday season brings you some peace and happiness.

Jim

Jim took this photo after we scored a rare ride together when he was in DC a few years back. Thanks Jim, I won't soon forget this.

Into the Blu

2010-12-13T12:06:00.001-08:00

Brian, "When we first heard they were going to make a movie, Rolf assured me we would look like Brad Pitt and Johnny Depp but we look more like Stan and Ollie"

I'm just now finishing the fixes and edits for the BluRay and 2nd pressing of the DVDs for Chasing Legends. Part of that is editing the 40 minute Q&A from the O2 in London after our UK premiere. I hadn't watched it until just now. Gotta say, it's a powerful thing for me. I don't often give myself much credit for having accomplished much and I am my own harshest critic. But this video made me pause and realize I was part of a really amazing adventure brought to film that will be a part of cycling for many years to come. Here are some screen shots of this really special event. Hope you get a feeling for the vibe we had there, it was a once in a lifetime chance. I'm so glad I took it.

Order the BluRay if you want to see this funny & moving interview. www.chasinglegends.com
Rolf, Brian, Phil, Cav and myself at the largest screen in all of Europe, the O2. Standing room only in most of the 55 theaters watching the live broadcast.

Brian talks about things not always going to plan. "Sometimes we have to freestyle"

Mark and Phil banter back and forth about his sincerity and income

Mark says, "I don't like to sit in and just wait for the sprint. I want to do my share of the work"
And Phil says something about working as a waiter with such a shirt.

Rolf and Brian can be deadly serious but that just makes their joking banter even more fun

Talking about the vision I had and first meeting Cav

The sign from Jeremy our interpreter - "Is not possible"

Cav still defending his shirt

Seeing the vision

Things were often exceptionally challenging. From dreaming up the film right up to the night of the O2 event. I gave a big thanks to all involved, especially my friends and family for their support. That got me a bit choked up to start with, then ...

Phil asked they give me a round of applause and the place went nuts, my eyes instantly welled up and all I could do was smile - an unforgettable moment in my life.

My Brother - 100% Proof

2010-12-02T07:13:00.001-08:00

I got a call from my brother the other day, another surprise of support and encouragement. It might not seem like much but to get a call from him has been a rare thing. He and I had a tumultuous life together and didn't always (in fact rarely did we) see eye to eye.

But one phone call, this one sign of checking in on me to make sure I am ok - it speaks to proof of change. Proof of better times to come. Proof of love. At a time in my life when so much has gone right as well as wrong to have my brother there to share it with - after we were dead to each other for far too long - it's like being rekindled. He has helped turn a bad time for me into good.

I am looking forward to this Christmas, to seeing my friends and all my family. I am very much looking forward to seeing my brother. I am looking forward to having him be part of my life once again. Thanks Jeff. For being there.

SOLID-

2010-12-01T16:21:00.001-08:00

Feeling the love & support today and yesterday from both friends and family and an absolutely unexpected connection who's timing could not have been better. Thanks for reaching out Lucas. Wow. Solidarity.

41st Thanksgiving

2010-11-28T17:22:00.001-08:00

This past Thanksgiving gave me a chance to leave the schedule open, expect nothing and plan even less. The winds had been blasting cold air into Rochester from the North for days so instead of throwing a bike in my truck I thought there might be waves on Lake Ontario. The wind was going to trail off by the time I'd get home but I hoped the swell would remain. I brought along my kayak just in case but when I got to the shores of Durand Beach there was nothing to ride worth freezing for. So instead I took a self portrait on the empty beach. I had forgotten what cold really feels like.

I walked around a bit, letting the wind cut into my wool peacoat. Let it remind me I was alive, even if only through discomfort. Had there been waves no doubt I'd be out in the cold water. I thought about that for a few minutes and thought about how most people don't like to spend any time in discomfort yet they seem so unhappy. I have a theory that if you don't experience pain on some level every day, you'll lose sight of life's simple pleasures and you'll grow more and more unhappy. Our lives are so easy compared to say a Swan in late November, facing another 5 months of bitter, freezing cold. Most people can't even put themselves in that mindset. The more the wind blew into me the more thankful I was to be there feeling it, knowing I'd soon be eating warm food and sharing good times with warm family. Keep life basic, allow a bit of pain, struggle or discomfort and happiness comes more easily. Just think like a Swan.

Bikes have a way of following me even when I leave mine behind. A text message had arrived as I drove the 7 hours from DC to Rochester. "Meet us at BP tonight" from Scott Likely, long-time friend and owner of the local bike shop in Pittsford. BP? "What the hell" I thought, are we scoring 40's at the gas station and reliving our high school years? I didn't realize he meant the "Basin Pub" - a new-to-me watering hole located about 300 yards from the place I grew up. When I arrived neither Scott nor Mike Norton were there. I ordered a Bourbon and made my way through the packed crowd towards a place to stand and people watch. About 10 steps in Vince Press, friend from high school stopped me and the good times began.

Vince was there with friends who were there with family. Before long we had new recruits for our Thanksgiving morning mountain bike ride. Scott hooked a couple of us travelers up with demo bikes from Towpath and we were off to the trails. Unfortunately for Ms. J'amie the day started with a face plant then 4 hours in the ER with stitches and lacerations. Seems triathlons and fitness comps are no prep for mountain biking however I'm very thankful she is still talking to us and not holding a grudge but I'm not sure she is thankful for having met us. This is her knee before the 10 stitches.

While a bit delayed we eventually got our ride on. This is Scott & Mike

Mike brings his dog who knows the trails better than I did and had better trail ediquite than most riders - if I was coming up fast behind her she would pull to the side, then stop, let me by and keep running with us. Mountain biking with a cool dog kicks ass. This is Laney.

We also ran into another high school friend, Carl Hopfinger. He was leading a group of kids so we jumped in. This is Carl - the guy is always brewing with positive energy.

Here's Carl and his posse mixed with ours.

I had seen the Rochester forecast before leaving DC - rain and snow. I left all my gear home but forgot one thing - people in Rochester don't stop for the weather. Scott hooked me up with a sweet 29'r but we didn't have time to get me proper shoes that clip into the pedals so there I was, bouncing down the trail in my running shoes. When you're used to being locked into your pedals like ski boots in bindings, riding flats is a whole new challenge.

Luckily I didn't add to the hospital tally (Mike would a day later) ... BUT FIRST there was Turkey to be eaten so we kept it to 2 laps of Drier Rd Park then headed home as the freezing rain turned to snow. I was stoked to be out riding.

I made my way to my sister's place with my Mother. Lynn has a 3 year old son who is adorable. This is my exceptionally cute nephew Eli.

This is Lynn busy in her new kitchen. She used to work in Manhattan as a pastry chef. I love her new kitchen and the food she makes in it.

Making amazing food makes Lynn happy

which made everyone who came for Thanksgiving dinner happy. But no, no group photo.
The next day I considered leaving town a day early, I had a storm to face back in DC and figured I'd best get headed into it. But first I called to see if Scott was interested in changing Black Friday into White Mountain Biking. The snow was starting and he yelled back into the phone, "First snow ride of the season - I'm closing the shop, let's go!" and so we did.

It felt the season

This is Scott, happy to not be making himself any money.

This is Mike.

Mike also felt bad about the ER visit J'amie endured the day before and kept saying things like, "It sure does suck when you get hurt" followed by "Boy these trails sure are slippery" - as you can imagine it wasn't long before Mike hit the deck after a fast and steep descent. There was a loud POP then a lot of loud swearing. Mike suffered a 2nd degree shoulder separation. This is Mike about 5 minutes before ...

and after ...

That night a good friend threw a party and I got a chance to meet new people and see my lifelong buddy Dave who was just in from his first big day of selling Christmas Trees, wood carvings, hand tied wreathes and hand made ornaments at the Pittsford Dairy.

Dave and I caught up, saw more old friends and made some new ones. Good thing I didn't have my camera since we were knocking back the bourbon quite steadily, then made our way to the local bar Thirstys where Dave is greeted much like Norm in Cheers. Luckily they closed soon after.

Next day began slow for this camper. I made my way to the Dairy, said hi to Chuck, son of Charles. Saw my old friend Tom Newell who stopped by quick then left as did I. This is Dave's dog Tommy keeping watch over the stand.

This is the new dairy - hopefully set to open in 2011. And some of Dave's wood-deer.

Turns out the Dairy has 2 new calves amidst the Christmas trees.

Kinda cute.

Ok little stubby horns made it really cute.

But the storm in the South was growing so I left the comforts of home and my 41st Thanksgiving to face it.

Luckily I have a new copilot who keeps an eye on me as I drive.
And into the cannonade I went, thinking like a Swan in November.

Wisdom Is ...

2010-11-28T16:35:00.000-08:00

sometimes found in the most unlikely places.

Time to be thankful

2010-11-23T12:42:00.001-08:00

for places like Wegmans and beer like Dogfish

2 days, 2 rides, 12 people & 1 new bike

2010-11-22T10:28:00.001-08:00

No need to type much here.
Except that I love my new sox and new Rize.

This is Matt, gazing over his domain.

The new bike gives me wings. Or is that just the heat from the embrocation? Both work very well.

This is a group ride with new team mates at Patapsco in MD.

Scuba Steve in his element.

The old run down house near the old horse farm

A view from knee level, going downhill faster than I should while taking photos with one hand on the bars ...

This is Matt again, riding a fine line between black and white.

Good friend Mark Bandy of East Of Maui Boardshop

Legit.

2010-11-16T15:08:00.000-08:00

this made me just smile. Again and again and again. Thanks for sending Buki, you made my day. Click it twice to see it un-cropped (blogger needs to get with it on video).

Pretty

2010-11-15T14:32:00.000-08:00

Kayaking the White Salmon River, Autumn - Kate Wagner from The Banks Mag on Vimeo.

Heavy Water

2010-11-15T06:00:00.001-08:00

Big Swell last week. I didn't catch it but friends did.

Way back when

2010-11-12T16:25:00.000-08:00

This is a rough cut to the first stab I took at an adventure film - circa 2001

Is it time?

2010-11-12T06:54:00.000-08:00

Those who know me best remember a time when I spent countless days in the mountains filming skiing. It maybe time to return. Looking at a friend's work leaves me inspired.

What kind of demonic redneck

2010-11-11T10:08:00.000-08:00

would shoot a koala bear? Let alone a baby one?
Cool that the little guy is hanging on. Tough little bastard.

Somedays I have to ask a couple times

2010-11-10T17:14:00.000-08:00

God, grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change,

the courage to change the things I can,

and the wisdom
to know the difference.

Looking forward to the weekend and riding like it's my job.

therapy

2010-11-08T07:07:00.000-08:00

I am sitting here waiting on my therapist. She's late.

A man in a wheelchair with groceries piled on his lap just passed by. He moved slowly and labored with each turn of his wheels but still he smiled. I sat on this sidewalk bench and thought about him long after he was gone. Makes me thankful for all I have. I should pay him and just go home.

Looking Back

2010-10-25T15:12:00.001-07:00

on better days.

river

2010-10-23T18:56:00.000-07:00

oh river, river running deep
Bring me something that will let me get to sleep

i'm not gonna lie

2010-10-20T13:21:00.000-07:00

I typed a lot here and my stupid blackberry deleted it. I gotta get an iPhone.
Summation is I am feeling pretty goddamn tormented. Up one second down the next. Too much time to think. Seeing Cav and doing the quick radio interview was nice but then Cav races off and I walk around London like an idiot without a cause. Eat dinner alone, walk around alone, pop into a pub alone, drink alone, leave alone. I watch people like a ghost waiting to be seen. I watch life going by like mine doesn't exist. I have a hard time when I don't 'have to' be somewhere or be doing something. I have a hard time when I have too much time to think. And now I have a LONG walk back to Greenwich to think about all this. Bloody hell.

I sure hope tomorrow is a bit different. Someone recently asked if I would change much were things to "blow up and I got famous" - I'd prefer to answer after it happens but truth is I've spent far too many years feeling like the outsider to ever become someone who would exclude others or act like I am hot shit. There's just no way - never. I'm sure it happens to some like Joaquin Phoenix - what an ass.

He quits acting so he can be a rapper but as seen in his new film "I'm Still Here" all he is really after is more glory and fame. He quits success and then chases success - after he puts on a ton of weight, grows a nasty beard, stops washing his hair, gets high every second and acts like a sloven pig who is entitled to fame then gets pissed when he doesn't get it?
I guess my point is, if I break through and ever get 'noticed' I sure as hell won't disrespect all the people out there who are killing themselves trying to make it by turning into a fat circus clown like Joaquin. But I don't think you or I have to worry much about that.

I'm rambling, sorry. Time to start walking. The O2 looks amazing at night.

Roots

2010-10-18T07:21:00.000-07:00

more to come soon.

Huge thanks for the great shots Janis.

On a lighter note

2010-10-15T16:07:00.001-07:00

I asked the guys for some quotes to feed to the UK press.

This from Bernhard Eisel:

"Just put some words in my mouth about the movie. I trust you!
Just make something cool! Great inside movie, amazing pictures and rolf and brian are too funny. In my opinion they whould get a reality show!"

Here is what I got from Brian Holm:

"Chasing Legends maked me realize, what my biggest Challenge during a 3 week long Tour de France is.
It to stay in same car as Fritz Aldag 5 hours daily and Listen to his bollocks $"+@;-"+¤"
-Brian

And from Rolf Aldag:

"If I would have known that jason is such a pain in the ass, I would have never talked to him.
Or:
Jason just got lucky on that movie. His real level of filming is at a mountain bike race, not the tour de france.
Or:
The only time I enjoyed working with jason was, when I missed the team bus and he gave me a lift with his camping car, including a pizza stop and a beer out of the fridge.
Or:
Great movie, who did it?
Or:
Every time I see the movie, a lot of great memories come up. It was a once in a liftime expirience and all of the team members loved to be part of it. It really shows the inside of the team and the tour and brings all the emotions across. That what the tour is about. "

Let me guess which one you take. If none of them is good, do your own.
-Rolf

Broadway Success

2010-10-04T10:04:00.000-07:00

Huge thanks to everyone who came out to the CL screening on Broadway last week. It was a great success and I had a great time during my short visit to the city. Some images from the show and NYC:
Grand Central Station - I've always found beauty in small details, even in a hall as large as GCS. The details speak to craftsmanship of another era.

The classic NYC markets

Bikes everywhere, many with tape covering every inch, many with massively huge chain locks

Someone buying sunflowers on a rainy day

The very classy Symphony Space

Friend, fundraiser and first time marathoner next month Nancy Faingar and I in front of our display. Huge thanks to PowerBar for such much product to give away.

Big space to fill but we packed it

We gave the new cycling magazine "Peloton" a shout out for their great article about the making of CL. Online abridged version here: http://www.pelotonmagazine.com/
Check newsstands next month.

Happy director after the show

Shooting Water

2010-09-28T07:28:00.000-07:00

someday I might pick up on the idea I left off with - www.greatfallsmovie.com

This has me re-inspired:

WildWater North Fork Payette Teaser from Anson Fogel on Vimeo.

Half Life Images

2010-09-22T14:39:00.000-07:00

I'll get some words to go with them shortly.

It's a good thing

2010-09-17T09:29:00.000-07:00

to get out and ride with friends

in the morning

then have coffee

after putting in some big efforts on the bike & getting my right hand bedazzled

Colby and Rourke

Water

2010-09-09T14:18:00.000-07:00

Water has always made me peaceful

Even when the water I am in, isn't

When surrounded by violent energy it's ok

Facing water that will keep me from breathing, I feel calm, it's not personal

Cognitively I know I shouldn't feel so at ease

It has always drawn me closer than I should go

Even at a place that took the life of 2 fellow boaters and almost took mine

I keep coming back to water hoping it will make my life better

So far it always has

Truth has Set Me Free

2010-09-08T04:39:00.000-07:00

But truth doesn't mean I should be passive aggressive either.
I guess I'll simply keep one line here. It's the most important anyway.

As my seasons change I've now grown to know
When one's heart creates, one's soul doesn't owe

Worth Sharing

2010-08-23T06:31:00.001-07:00

8 years ago

2010-08-04T19:09:00.001-07:00

I was in an Indian restaurant in the middle of Fort William, Scotland. I was chatting with World Champion Alison Dunlap about the film I was making, "Off Road To Athens" when this guy came in and introduced himself as just "Blick". He was there to style out Alison with some new eyewear from Oakley before the next world cup race got under way. A long time fan of Oakley products I didn't waste time getting Blicks info and soon after hit him up for product. Ever since then Blick has returned every e-mail, often times calling instead of e-mailing back. He's not only kept me in the latest Oakley styles but has continued to be the man keeping such super stars as Mark Cavendish and Fabian Cancellara in Oakleys as well. It was Blick who once told me how Oakley was the company to foot the lions share of medical insurance when Motorolla dropped Lance Armstrong. They are good people making great products.

Not long ago I was e-mailing Blick about a potential screening of my latest film "Chasing Legends" at the Oakley headquarters when Blick wrote back he was going to be out of the office for a while, his 4 year old son Tyler has cancer. I was shocked - a 4 year old fighting his way up a mountain higher than any Ventoux or Tourmalet. The fight of his life.

Don't worry, there's nothing you have to click or even "Like" - I just thought I'd write about it after having read an article about Tayler Phinney riding his first pro race for Tyler. If you're interested the article is here. One thing is for sure, the troubles of my life just got a whole lot smaller. Hang in there Ty.

I don't know the details

2010-07-30T12:50:00.001-07:00

but I gotta say, this sounds interesting and it's nice to see someone speak passionately. Word.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

LuLuleMon

2010-07-27T09:19:00.000-07:00

Quick thank you to Kristian who hooked me up with some sweet gear from a shop many people haven't heard of but should check out - Lululemon Athletica

They were the official 'casual' clothing sponsor to team Saxo Bank this year and for good reason. Their clothes are amazingly comfy but all based on function as a priority with design a close second. When you slip on one of their shirts you don't get the typical 'made for all fat American' cut, in fact their clothes are cut for people who work out and stay fit. So nice to have some clothing that isn't massively baggy or droopy around the belly.

If you're into yoga their clothing is perfect. There's a lot more for ladies in the store but guys should take a look as well. What they do have is extremely nice - I'm stoked to be sporting their gear. If you're in the DC area, they have a shop next to Lucky Jeans in Georgetown.

If you buy gas from BP

2010-07-15T06:31:00.000-07:00

or support them in any way, you should bomb yourself. Odd sentence I know but considering their willingness to free a convicted killer, a guilty terrorist who bombed a plane full of people (many of them Americans) just so they could secure a deal to put more money in their fat wallets - the sentence fits.

Seriously, give some thought to where you buy gas, how much gas your car needs and how much you drive. There is one way to see more green on our planet and that's to give the oil companies less.

LONDON — BP said Thursday that it had lobbied the British government over a prisoner transfer agreement with Libya in late 2007 before the release of Lockerbie bomber Abdel Baset al-Megrahi.
The oil giant said it was concerned a slow resolution would impact an offshore drilling deal with Libya, but insisted it was not involved in discussions regarding al-Megrahi's actual release in August 2009.
"It is a matter of public record that in late 2007, BP told the U.K. government that we were concerned about the slow progress that was being made in concluding a Prisoner Transfer Agreement with Libya," BP said in a statement Thursday. "We were aware that this could have a negative impact on U.K. commercial interests, including the ratification by the Libyan government of BP's exploration agreement."
BP signed a $900 million exploration agreement with Libya in May 2007, the same month that Britain and Libya inked a memorandum of understanding that paved the way for al-Megrahi's release from a Scottish prison.
Megrahi was the only person convicted over the 1988 bombing of a U.S. airliner over Lockerbie, Scotland, that killed 270 people.
He was released on compassionate grounds after doctors said the 57-year-old Libyan was close to death. Nearly a year later, Megrahi is still alive.
BP insisted Thursday that it was not involved in the decision to free the bomber. Al-Megrahi's release outraged many relatives of the victims and led to calls in the U.S. for a boycott of Scottish goods.

Go By Bike

2010-06-22T06:25:00.001-07:00

Back when I first moved to the DC area I was living not too far from where I am now in Arlington and commuting to work out in Herndon. I wasn't yet bit by the cycling bug tho I always appreciated the sport and wanted to ride more. I distinctly remember someone telling me there was a bike path that connected from where I lived in Arlington to Herndon and thought "Ha. There's no way in hell I'm gonna ride a bike 25 miles each way to work."

How times can change. No I don't ride 25 miles to work, I walk about 25 feet but that's not my point. Knowing what I know now, having the outlook on life and cycling that I do now I'd gladly commute by bike and considering how bad traffic has grown in the last 13 years it's probably not much of a time difference anymore. I know it wasn't when I was bike commuting to Falls Church at CSC headquarters (and by the way, CSC forbid us to bring our bike into the office even tho they were sponsoring one of the most successful pro teams in the world - nice huh? Luckily my managers were a bit cooler than the 'hippo'critical, overweight and out of shape upper management).

So what is my point? Consider it. Yes, even if you have to ride 20 miles give it a bit of thought. Even if you only do it once this year why not try? There's a ton of resources to help you plot a traffic-free (or close to it) route to your job. It's always cooler in the morning and a little wind on the face is just as effective as coffee in waking up. I found I often wanted more water and less coffee when commuting - clearly a more heathy choice than the 4 cups a day I currently drink. Sure the afternoons are hot as hell & you get home sweaty but having done a workout so you're entire evening is free to play or do whatever you gotta do. Maybe pick your day during the upcoming Tour de France so you can feel a little more connected? Maybe pick your day on a Friday and take the long route home before heading out for happy hour?

Everyone can find excuses, I used to back in the day. But the truth of the matter is this - if you give it a try you'll feel good. You might feel great and do it again. But I guarantee you'll at least feel good and for one day you won't have that battle with traffic and the horrible negative energy from other angry drivers stuck in traffic. All you need is a bike (and most everyone already has one so if you don't, borrow the neighbors).

Need more inspiration? Check out Emily who's giving up her car for a year: GO BY BIKE CHALLENGE. C'mon, do it. Just one day. Me? I'm going in for more coffee.

Considering Volunteering?

2010-06-20T06:59:00.000-07:00

There's a great list of places with their phone numbers here.

Don't have time? Here's an option:
The National Wildlife Federation is looking for volunteers and support to help spot distressed or oiled wildlife, and to assist in the cleanup and restoration efforts along the coast of Louisiana. You can text the word "NWF" to 20222. That'll donate $10 to the National Wildlife Federation through your phone bill.

I'm thinking about heading down in July. Time to stop bitching and start cleaning the coast.

Costner Kicking Ass

2010-06-19T09:52:00.001-07:00

As an actor I think he's marginal at best but this gives me a massive amount of respect for Mr. Waterworld:
One Small OIL CENTRIFUGE CLEANS 200 GALLONS PER MINUTE
Can we get them on every fishing, trawling, skimming boat that is in the water? Let's hope our government and BP don't get in the way this time.

'Chest ... pierced, he clenched his fist'

2010-06-18T07:24:00.000-07:00

"A journalist tells of witnessing the firing squad execution of ... "

Too bad this a-hole can't get tried by those he's effected most. Like the 11 dead because BP was behind schedule and cut safety and protocol corners. Then of course there are the residents of the effected area, growing daily. Yea, I'd volunteer for the job & happily pull the trigger. Hey, dreams are free.

Hmmmmm

2010-06-15T17:02:00.000-07:00

it took how many days of oil continuing to gush for "Scientists" (read: MEDIA) to realize that the story BIGGER than the blame game is that the Gulf of Mexico is wasted and for longer than we have to knowledge to predict.

And Obama thinks his administration can make it all better in (fill in useless number here) ????
It's nice he wants to make BP pay. But how about we stop the goddam leak first? Are there any marine engineers who can tell me why with all our imperial might, with all our tools, boats, factories and ingenuity we can't stop this f-ing leak? Or do we just not want to spend the money? Well if BP is gonna pick up the check how about it folks? OR is all our creative juice going into neat graphs like this:

If that oil isn't stopped, I'm going to say it now, throw it out there, be bold

WE ARE ALL DEAD.
Some might dismiss that statement as over the top, but when oil kills a massive amount of biomass which in turn kills more and more massive amounts of everything connected, well lets just say I hope I'm wrong. There's a reason it's called a food web. It's all connected. I'm no marine engineer and I'm no oil-spill-forecaster but I do know this is wicked f-ing bad for us all, and BP, Obama - we're ALL paying for it.

On that note I'm gonna go drive my Hummer 1 mile to get hamburgers at McDonalds. Then fill it up at BP.

Big George

2010-06-09T07:54:00.000-07:00

Really stoked to have had the chance to catch up with George at ATOC. Had a great chat with him after the TT, gotta get a screening lined up for his hometown in SC this winter.

Palin and her best friend Murkowski

2010-06-08T13:46:00.000-07:00

I guess it wasn't enough the "Drill Here Drill Now" cry. Then the anger-mongering of her tea-parties. So what now? Let's PROTECT the oil companies from being liable for turning the Gulf of Mexico into a toxic cesspool. Unbelievable yet - par for the course.

Money.

Money.

Me.

Money.

Out of sight, out of mind.

Money.

Evil. Corrupt.
When these bible thumping hypocrites reach the pearly gates I wonder if they will spontaneously combust upon pressing the doorbell?

And this just coming to light - turns out it was BP who was ordering the job be done in an unsafe manor. They caused it. They killed the workers. And Murkowski wants to protect these killers?
CNN STORY HERE

Par.

Best case scenario?

2010-06-08T09:38:00.000-07:00

Wow, this is really getting worse. With all our ships & technology, we can invade and attack any country we want within 24 hours. Too bad we can't send some of those resources to do the job BP should be doing. Sorry, just another uneducated, one-sided, opinionated rant from me. Call it an inconvenient truth.

This just in

2010-06-07T17:40:00.001-07:00

A Massive Flow of Bullshit Continues to Gush From BP Headquarters

STORY HERE:

LONDON—As the crisis in the Gulf of Mexico entered its eighth week Wednesday, fears continued to grow that the massive flow of bullshit still gushing from the headquarters of oil giant BP could prove catastrophic if nothing is done to contain it.

The toxic bullshit, which began to spew from the mouths of BP executives shortly after the explosion of the Deepwater Horizon oil rig in April, has completely devastated the Gulf region, delaying cleanup efforts, affecting thousands of jobs, and endangering the lives of all nearby wildlife.

"Everything we can see at the moment suggests that the overall environmental impact of this will be very, very modest," said BP CEO Tony Hayward, letting loose a colossal stream of undiluted bullshit. "The Gulf of Mexico is a very big ocean, and the volume of oil we are putting into it is tiny in relation to the total volume of water."

Hayward's comments fueled fears that the spouting of overwhelmingly thick and slimy bullshit may never subside.

According to sources, the sheer quantity of bullshit pouring out of Hayward is unprecedented, and it has thoroughly drenched the coastlines of Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, and Florida, with no end in sight.

Though no one knows exactly how much of the dangerous bullshit is currently gushing from BP headquarters, estimates put the number at somewhere between 25,000 and 70,000 words a day.

"We're looking at a truly staggering load of shit here," said Rebecca Palmer, an environmental scientist at the University of Georgia, who claimed that only BP has the ability to stem the flow of bullshit and plug it at its source. "And this is just the beginning—we're only seeing the surface-level bullshit. It could be years before we sift through it all and figure out just how deep this bullshit goes."

Congressional hearings aimed at stopping the bullshit have thus far failed to do so, with officials from BP and its contractors Halliburton and Transocean only adding to the powerful torrents of bullshit by blaming one another for the accident.

Along with the region's wildlife and fragile ecosystem, countless livelihoods have been jeopardized by BP's unchecked flow of corporate shit. Those who depend on fishing or tourism for their income are already feeling the noxious effects of the bullshit firsthand, as out-of-control platitudes begin to reach land and seep ashore.

Dense streams of shit are expected to continue spreading throughout the region and the entire United States.

"This bullshit, it's everywhere," said Louisiana fisherman Doug LaRoux, who lost his house to a tide of government bullshit following Hurricane Katrina. "It reeks. Big buckets of disgusting shit are oozing everywhere you look and I don't know if it's ever going to stop. I feel helpless"

Added LaRoux, "I never thought I'd be the victim of so much bullshit."

Observers have noted that after the Exxon Valdez spill in 1989, corporate bullshit gushed up like a geyser for two decades and didn't wane until the oil company had bullshit its way through an exhaustive process of court appeals that ultimately reduced payouts to victims by 90 percent.

Despite Hayward's denials that BP is at fault for the environmental disaster and his concern that it will result in "illegitimate" American lawsuits, the embattled CEO has still managed to trickle out a few last drips of bullshit sympathy for Gulf Coast residents.

"I'm as devastated as you are by this," Hayward said after a meeting with cleanup crews on Louisiana's Fourchon Beach. "We will clean every last drop up and we will remediate all of the environmental damage."

"There's no one that wants this thing over with more than I do," he added a week later, just absolutely defying belief with the thickest, most dangerous bullshit yet. "I'd like my life back."

Millions of Americans reported feeling ill and disoriented upon contact with that particularly vile plume of bullshit.

Many environmentalists, including Palmer, have called for a boycott of BP until the bullshit stops or is at least under control, but they emphasize that in the long term, Americans will have to change their habits if they wish to avoid future catastrophes.

"We must all work together if we're going to cure our nation of this addiction," Palmer said. "The sad fact is, the United States has been running on bullshit for decades."

Bored?

2010-06-07T05:30:00.000-07:00

THE FACE OF BP

2010-06-04T05:18:00.000-07:00

The must be accountability for a company that made hundreds of billions off us, promoting their "GREEN IMAGE" but in return left us with this.

Spill Here, Spill Now. If you don't like BP's handling of the spill (turns out they are now trying to keep journalists from taking photos & video of the worst-effected places*) then hit 'em where it hurts. Don't buy GAS from them. RETURN or chop up your BP credit cards. Do not support them in any way. Words are cheap, money and action speak louder.

It's not rare

2010-06-03T17:52:00.000-07:00

that I look around DC and smile. I really do enjoy living here. On my ride tonight, up around National Cathedral...

Been a while

2010-06-03T08:18:00.000-07:00

since I ranted about politics so instead of the obvious Gulf of Oil CF, I'm going to comment on the war with Iraq & Afgan.

Some interesting facts to consider - since the war has now cost our struggling country 1 Trillion bucks here are some interesting uses of 1 Trillion other than securing vast oil fields:

....feed every hungry man, woman, and child in America for a year—nearly one 100 times over.2

....transition the U.S. to a clean energy economy so we can solve global warming.3

....pay the salaries of two million teachers for ten years.4

....give $1,000 to every one of the billion children in the world living in poverty.5

....provide nearly 300 million people with health care for one year.6

....Or double cancer research funding, treat every American with unmanaged diabetes or heart disease, save millions of children's lives with immunizations, give New Orleans more reconstruction funds, implement the 9/11 Commission recommendations, send a peacekeeping force to Darfur, AND send every 3- and 4-year-old in the U.S. to preschool.7

NO I'm not surprised our country continues this fruitless debacle of chasing ghosts like Bin Laden under the guise of quelling "Terrorist Threats" - in fact this whole OIL IS MOST IMPORTANT view is clearly seen in the Gulf disaster. I heard some jackass republican even publicly said "It's not a disaster" - I won't even touch that one. Now that they're saying the oil will reach the East Coast beaches we'll hear all sorts of bitching. BP should have all assets seized like a cargo ship off the Somalia coast. This isn't going to effect just the Gulf - it will take about 5 years just to get our head's around it and probably 100 years to really be able to account for just SOME of the long term effects. We are totally playing with things we have no idea about and sooner or later we'll really screw up and somehow "Ooops, didn't see that coming" will help anyone or their bank account.

But can anyone remind me why we're still pouring about $2 Billion per month into Iraq and Afghanistan ??? And please don't even think of bringing up 9/11. If we can't get the "MISSION ACCOMPLISHED" in 9 years don't you think that says something about the bureaucracy of our pathetic leaders? So why are we still there? What is the goal? Is there an end in sight? Or is this the military version of the Gulf Oil Spill?

ahem. Yes.

Sources:

1. National Priorities Project
http://costofwar.com/

2. According to "The Economic Cost of Domestic Hunger," by Dr. Larry Brown, an increase of $10-$12 billion a year over current spending on domestic hunger programs could end hunger in America.

3. "The Global Energy [R]evolution," Greenpeace and the European Renewable Energy Council, 2009
http://www.energyblueprint.info/

4. According to Professor Robert Reich, former U.S. Secretary of Labor and currently at the University of California, Berkeley

5. Global Issues
http://www.moveon.org/r?r=88533&id=20870-7127796-2cMJyGx&t=3

6. National Priorities Project
http://www.nationalpriorities.org/tradeoffs

7. "What $1.2 Trillion Can Buy," The New York Times, January 17, 2007
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/01/17/business/17leonhardt.html

This is a worthy cause

2010-06-02T09:56:00.001-07:00

I'm all for making this person known, publicly.
CLICK HERE.
Identify the car's owner, get a reward.

Legit

2010-05-29T11:05:00.000-07:00

Our friend in Lyon, France just sent me a 1983 bottle of Chateau Beaulieu Bordeaux. Oh my, this is going into the rack. Huge thanks JZ.

"Jason Berry is way out of control"

2010-05-28T07:46:00.001-07:00

Sometimes it's not a good idea to google your own name...

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The Examiner

2010-05-27T08:06:00.000-07:00

lists the top 10 best things about the Tour of California.

Top-10 Best:

10. Rory Sutherland showed domestic team riders can have their day against the "big boys." Nice job, mate.

9. Even when the Versus coverage suffered, Phil Liggett and Paul Sherwen once again proved why they're the best in the business. They always kept the race interesting, if when technology failed.

8. The race's move from February to May. More fit ProTour riders and more fit domestic team pros. The result was better racing.

7. Speaking of better racing, how about a final day that counts for once? Bravo. Nice to see Levi Leipheimer and Dave Zabriskie attack on the final lap of the final day.

6. Francesco Chicchi's sprint win over Mark Cavendish. A dose of humility is always good for any sport's best. Chicchi has charisma and maybe the coolest bike in the peloton.

5. The HTC-Columbia team perfectly executing its lead-out train for Mark Cavendish's stage 1 win. It was like watching jets in formation.

4. The movie Chasing Legends, the story of the HTC-Columbia team in the 2009 Tour de France, debuted in Sacramento the night before the race begin. For my $.02 worth, it's one of the best cycling movies every made. Do not miss it.

3. Michael Rogers is back. Frustration from his early departure from the 2007 Tour de France and the debilitating effects of the Epstein Barr virus are long gone. Add Rogers to the list of serious Tour de France contenders.

2. American cycling fans saw a rising star . . . Peter Sagan, the 20-year-old baby-faced Slovakian who speaks Italian. Take a bow, young fella. And here's to a long, clean, successful career.

1 . The aforementioned Michael Rogers, Dave Zabriskie and Levi Leipheimer riding as overall contenders and with a healthy chunk of collective career time trial wins sprinting for a stage win in Santa Cruz.

Coming soon

2010-05-26T19:00:00.000-07:00

to a theater near you...
more photos from the premiere in the next day or two.

FOUND

2010-05-26T09:47:00.000-07:00

Thanks to an aware pedestrian walking along the bike path, some very helpful Arlington officers and a bike that was too heavy to pedal w/o knowing how to run the electric engine Em's bike was FOUND! Huge thanks to all involved.

To Catch A Bike Thief

2010-05-25T06:22:00.000-07:00

If you live in the DC, Northern VA area (specifically Spout Run), please help me catch a rotten, no-good bike thief.

Sometime between last night and this morning he stole from my back yard a bike with a cable lock through the front tire and frame.

This is not just any bike, it is a special commuter bike with pedal-assist belonging to the Bike Lane and loaned to my girlfriend Emily for a year so she can ditch her car. Her blog is here.

The bike weighs about 50lbs and will run out of its current charge in a day. So either Mr. Scumbag will have to purchase a new plug or sell it or try pedaling all 50lbs around town. Either way I'd like your help in finding the bastard.

Keep an eye out and let me know if you see someone suspicious riding the bike above. I know it's not likely but how sweet would it be to catch a bike thief???

Esta bien?

2010-05-12T06:53:00.000-07:00

no time to write much but I'm done with the movie. Thank God. That sucked. No really. Not in the "oh that hill was so hard to climb but I made it" kind of way. More like "WTF just hit me from behind and did anyone get the number of that runaway truck?" kind of way.

But it appears all will go smooth till the premiere and hopefully after as well. Hard to explain how it feels but 9 months of effort and back to back 120+ hour work weeks later it's done. Why the hell did I do that to myself? Dreams are not free, they cost a lot. Sometimes too damn much. Went to get a hair cut yesterday - this was the actual conversation:
(best said with spanish accent for Julia - she's from Bolivia)
Julia: Ohhhhh Jaaaason - you have bin working tooo muuuuuch
Jason: Yes that is true. Have I been complaining? Sometimes I don't pay attention to what I say.
Julia: Nooooo. But you have so much gray hair since winter. I worry about you.
Jason:

uh

really?

Julia: Si

So this kid is headed to a World Premiere to put his baby on a stage for all to see. Wish me luck. If you're in Cali come and say hi. East Coast tour coming soon. Keep an eye on www.chasinglegends.com for more updates, I can only keep so much content updated so that's where my efforts will go.

disclaimer - sorry about posting the kickboxing photo, I know its nasty and clearly I felt a need to tell the world I was once tough. Someday I might divulge why but I really shouldn't use the blog for venting personal bs.

or should I???

GOOD NEWS!

2010-05-03T17:32:00.000-07:00

granted this is a sliver in the face of a giant CF of an oil spill but hey, seeing WALMART take a shot to the nuts puts a smile across my face.

more here

yea I know, not like me to spread good news is it : ?

And in this corner...

2010-05-02T19:04:00.000-07:00

It's. Done. A bit more technical work to do but the creative editing is over. So I have a few minutes to burn.
What's the cost of this movie? I've been head-down full charge till now and sitting here with a glass of wine after almost 40 hours without real sleep I'm ragged yet reflective. It's been a while since I felt so empty, so beat down. I am absolutely spent - this last week alone I clocked almost 120 hours of work in 7 days.

A different life ago I was fighting mixed martial arts instead of cycling. Early in '94 there was a fight at Penn State and it was for some punk-ass Pennsylvania Belt series but it was my first big fight. A British guy, Glen Cranham fighting out of a gym in Alexandria VA, busted my face up bad. Something like 5 breaks in my skull and nose from that one fight. Most of the damage was done in the first minute from one of the few moves you can throw that are considered a 'foul' - a knee to the face. They stopped the fight for about 30 seconds so the ring doctor could come and wipe the gushing blood away long enough to see my nose was trashed. He said, "you're nose is busted up bad kid, you wanna keep going?" Stupid question. I had work to do. Glen knee'd me 2 more times in that round then the bell saved me.

The next round I took down the guy with 2 clean shots. But his damage was done. I slipped away into oblivion as he pounded my face in - jab, cross, jab, cross, knee to the face, elbow ... then the third round and more of the same.

I didn't go down. I refused to quit. My old man was at that fight and when I came out of the ring I hugged him. I went back to the locker room, he went outside and puked in the snow. But for some reason that's the life I chose and it doesn't seem to have changed much.

Just like in '94 I've been beat down working on this movie. Glen Cranham has re-appeared and thrown some completely illegal moves that hurt me bad. Real bad. I've got pain in my mind that won't go away for years to come. But I'm not giving up and I don't care how hard it has been - the cheap shots from cheap people won't stop me.

The lack of sleep might tho, so I"m gonna cut this here. For those who read this bullshit blog, thanks. This is the most I will publicly say about the rough road it was to make Chasing Legends but if you happen to see it, while you watch keep in the back of your mind a boxing match, bloody and mean. That's the best 'behind the scenes' story I can give you. And busted up, broken down and heart totally bleeding - it's done. I finished it today. I'm going to crawl out of the ring and into bed.

Oh yea, and while Glen was awarded the win that day (the judges were uneducated in the rules) when the USMTA commission saw the video of his cheap shots they reversed the decision and gave it to me. In the end I won that belt. So to the patient come victory. Or something like that.

Ding ding.

not cool at all.

2010-04-29T09:48:00.000-07:00

one oil rig platform has done this. Somehow the words, "We never thought this could happen" are not comforting. 5,000 barrels a day. Bravo.
Someone please step up and tell me how a hundred wind turbines can do the same amount of damage?

Bueller?

Bueller?

drill here drill now

2010-04-27T08:08:00.000-07:00

Obama - this what you envision for the East Coast too?

How the hell can there be calm seas and no one can cap this thing? Did they not have a plan for this? Where is the oil company who owns the polluting rig? If that oil was gushing into people's back yards and homes they'd sort it pretty quick. Guess the homes of millions of animals just don't have enough monetary value to give a shit.

Better Days

2010-04-25T17:07:00.000-07:00

there was a time when I would sit here, put on some good music, drink a bit of good wine and try to write something of significance with a bit of poetry and style. These days I hammer out hours as days evaporate closing in on my deadline of this Wednesday. The pressure has gone past what I would consider healthy. I've internalized much more than I should and it's beginning to take its toll. I realize I'm in a world of hurt and there is no way out but through the birthing process known as creativity. No artist is truly sane and sure as shit they aren't happy. But I like being happy so why can't I do both? Because it's not easy being creative when you have to do it on schedule, when the things that typically fuel your creative fire are long gone from the schedule and when sleep becomes the poor substitute for that fuel.

I realize that lately I only post negativity and bitch and moan about things out of my control - a clear sign that I have very little control in my own life right now - or at least that is how it feels. Remember Indiana Jones when he was running in front of the big round boulder - that's me but I don't look nearly as cool doing it.

This next week is going to be sheer hell for me as it was the moment I opened my eyes this morning. I is there waiting the second I get up and it goes with me to bed. It is tearing me apart and what was 'jason' has spilled out all around me from the torn seams. I'm sick of asking for more from everyone around me. It's always easier to ask a lot of yourself because for me, I'm very focused on the end result, the goal in mind and task at hand. But to ask of others - it's really getting old. I've asked so much from those working with me on the movie. From strangers from whom I need favors. I've asked over 24 people to help me bag Lance Armstrong and many tried but nothing panned out. It's all well and good to say, "I'm tenacious, I won't fail..." but when success hinges on more than what you can do yourself it simply isn't easy. No one likes an asshole and it's really hard to not become one these days.

I guess this is a bit of an open apology to those whom I have asked for too much, who have given what they can, and for a lack of creativity in my words these last many months. It's all going into the movie. I just hope its worth the pain. I really look forward to better days, when this suffering is over - then reacquainting myself with

myself.

Drilled here, now what?

2010-04-25T09:57:00.000-07:00

Oil rig burns, collapses and early reports were that no oil was leaking.

Ahem.

Oil rig is for sucking oil out of ground. Rig explodes, probably no chance for safety valves to be pulled. Rig disintegrates in spectacular show of flames. Does it really take a rocket scientist to realize what is under the water is gonna leak? A lot?

High Seas? Can't contain it? Bummer. Now we have thousands of gallons spilling into the ocean, per day. Let me guess, is this Clean Coal's new brother? Clean Oil? If we don't see it leaking does that mean it isn't?

Guess not.
Drive less. Ride more. Evolve past Oil AND Coal. 'Nuff said.

Math

2010-04-22T20:22:00.000-07:00

I was never good at it. Still suck at math. But even I can figure out that if we increase the MPG of each car sold in this country, we can much more quickly reduce our dependence on foreign oil than building new oil platforms off the East Coast, sucking more oil up, refining it and bringing that to the public.

And I can't wait to hear the beach-front home owning republicans (and turncoat Dems like Obama) change their tune from "Drill Here Drill Now" to "Get that leaking, sinking oil platform away from my McMansion!!!!"

And that's just how it goes. Outa sight, outa mind. Penny wise, pound foolish. And it comes back around to simple math once again.

Sounds like Good News to Me

2010-04-18T10:46:00.000-07:00

Here is my perspective on the housing situation as reported on in this link.

I'm all for it. I hope the housing industry doesn't have more than 1% growth for the rest of eternity.

Why?
When there is "rampant" building it tends to be done without much consideration for how that building will effect the land. The majority of the industry is more concerned with bottom line profit than quality of life for all things where they build. Get it done quick and move on to the next job. Quick, quick, quick!!! We HAVE to make MORE MORE MORE. I personally despise the typical American model of development - paving countryside while letting our inner cities rot.

When there is "rampant" building inspectors tend to 'look the other way' at who is slinging the nails. I worked in the industry enough to know the cheapest labor is coming from points South of Texas so you end up with Miguel either sending his earnings South or bringing his wife and 10 kids North (usually the latter). He needs cheap housing, they all need health care and then they all expect to have jobs and education. The system is further strained. A status symbol to the construction minded is a huge TRUCK (see that the Ford F250 is rated one of the worst vehicles you can buy? Google it.) Now we need ATMs with Spanish options. Wonderful. I don't goto Ecuador and expect a job nor an ATM in English. So now Miguel is in debt with a POS truck, kids he uses as dependents against taxes, working for less than the guys playing by the rules and the lot of them aren't educated enough to care about the land Miguel's fast-growing employer is tearing up either. Speaking of the upper end, if they bitch about less than 10% increase in home building per year what is a good year? Do we need 20% increases in an industry to be considered healthy? Where does that leave us in 50 years? Up to our eyes in cheap McMansions that most dwellers can't even afford? Great future. Should we hope the weapons manufacturing industry grows 20% a year? How about Gun sales or alcohol sales? Is that really what we want in this country?

SO what's my point? LESS IS BETTER. When will people realize that building smarter, not just MORE is the way to go? Buildings can be recycled too. The only way our country will see a higher standard of living for more of the people who live here is to HAVE LESS PEOPLE HERE. Fish only grow to the size of their tank - why can't us humans take notes???????? Because we're all SOOOOO important and self-absorbed? Please.

When will people learn that LESS PEOPLE will equate to LESS PROBLEMS in -

oh

EVERY DIRECTION ... ? (crime, health care, education, traffic, land loss, pollution, global climate change, et cetera ad infinitum)

Ehhh, enough bitching. It's tough to go against 2,000 years of folks reading, "Spread over the lands and conquer them" I just wish folks would see they have & its time to take care of what is left.

So this is "Clean Coal" at its finest

2010-04-15T20:46:00.000-07:00

Massey Energy told employees that if they miss work to attend the funerals they would be fired, workers said. A Massey worker, who did not give his name because he is afraid of losing his job, said that his coworkers were outraged that they were not given time off to mourn their friends and brothers.

Anger among workers is growing as reports pile in of the mass of safety violations at the mine, combined with government inaction. Many violations came at the same time that Massey was in implementing a sharp increase in production. Production figures for the mine show that the company had nearly doubled output-per-miner in the fourth quarter of 2009 compared with the third quarter. (See, “Miners doomed by collusion between regulators and coal companies”).

If you really need to read more, click here.
Not too many people dying from wind energy. Something to think about.

Hand Break

2010-04-13T16:26:00.001-07:00

ok, don't really have time for this but I had to share. Talk about being one with your bike...

Story (and more gruesome photos) HERE.